Black As My Soul: You're right.

September 23, 2003

You're right.

You're right.
I am a bit of an odd duck.

In Real Life, I'm quite a quiet boy.
Some say intense.
Some say angry.
Some say aloof.
Some say shy.
Some say a good listener.
Some say emotional teflon.

Here I can let on to the endless conversation in my head.
The endless description.
The quest for understanding.
The rationalizing.

They say it's a defense mechanism.
The description becomes a form of abstraction.
The words being something less direct, less intense despite their meaning.

Describing and understanding
Are not the same as feeling.
Describing and understanding are the branches I hold on to.
Feelings are the insistent pull of the current.
Feelings are the white noise of the rapids.
Feelings are the rocks you don't see.

I'm tired
I'm lonely
I'm bored

And I come here
Because I imagine you understand

And then my words
Are not so much
Mental masturbation