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January 31, 2004
Really? Cool!
I like what this says... even if the conclusion was drawn after a mere 20 questions. I strongly identify with a lot of it, though:
"Your Brain Usage Profile:
Auditory : 33%
Visual : 66%
Left : 50%
Right : 50%
"Soulless, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.
"You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a 'thinking' individual, you 'take in' entire situations readily and can act on intuition.
"You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.
"With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
"Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself — and of others — while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional."
—
I took the test at Mind Media.
Link courtesy of Douce_Chanteuse.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:02 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
January 30, 2004
I Have the Best Friends
I've received stunning feedback from some of my recent posts. Stunning as in "Wow, that really makes me stop to think!"
I just want you to know that I don't see anything I do here as part of what I believe my problem to be. The problem started in earnest years before I was able to get on the internet. and I've been surfing religiously since '94, professionally since '95.
The root of my issues is terribly low self-esteem, and an unwillingness to just 'be' by myself.
I don't want anyone here to feel like I have shame because of this site. This blog has put me in touch with amazing people who I am honored to call friends.
I've kinda been laying low for a while. Lots of things are happening to me internally. I don't know what any of it means, yet, but wherever I go—you will be there.
Now, I owe some more people some questions. I better get busy.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:29 PM :: Submit. [+]
You Know I Love You, Right?
Don't ever worry about that part.
It's me I don't love.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:42 AM :: Submit. [+]
So Many Things I'm Hoping For
I've got a couple of jobs that I've applied for. Damn I would be good for them.
My CCNA class is going well. I hope it ends up meaning I get better work.
I'm hoping I get to manage my addiction better. I understand now that it's really an alterewd state of consciousness I'm after. I'm a junkie in that way.
I was up until 3 am. I'm completely fried. I gave away 4 hours last night. That's like twelve hours this week. Althought that's better than in the past.
I'm hopeful and defeated.
I'm going to take my meds.
I'm hungry. But I'm not sure I'll be satisfied.
Part of me... just never really gets enough.
Thanks for listening and for not labelling me as morally bankrupt.
This morning is wierd. I haven't felt this mentally crappy in a long time.
Someone distract me, please.
Please.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:40 AM :: Submit. [+]
All I Want Is Sugar
I want to drink your nectar.
Sugar sweet and sticky.
Hold still my cupcake. Let me lick your center. Does it feel good when I slide my tongue into you like that?
I love to eat you.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:30 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 29, 2004
Serenity Now!
She asked. And who was I to say no?
Serenity gets the fifth degree. ;)
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:31 PM :: Submit. [+]
More Questions and Answers
Just Me at Blushing Virgin says I made her head hurt. I'm sorry, dear.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:03 PM :: Submit. [+]
The First Batch of Answers Are In!
Little Nemo at Twilight Café was first to respond to my interview questions.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:47 PM :: Submit. [+]
20 Questions
So far, four people have requested interviews. I have stepped up to the plate and sent the requisite 20 questions (four times five).
Assuming I get the permission of my interviewees, I will post links to the interviews.
Yours in sleep deprivation,
-Soulless
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:55 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Suddenly
I feel the urge to listen to This Mortal Coil.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:51 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 28, 2004
SPAM Subject of the Day
"Masturbation Television"
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:53 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Ok, Another Three
The three things that make me feel better are sleep, music and sex.
Sex when it's more than just getting off.
Music when it's loud.
Sleep when it's uninterrupted.
Yeah.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:43 AM :: 7 Submissives [+]
Two Things... OK Three
Three things that tend to wreak havoc on my emotional stability are alcohol, caffeine, and lack of sleep. Each of which I have experienced in the past several days.
Last night I slept ten hours.
Never, ever, discount the healing power of sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still a night owl of habit—but I love me some sleep.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:25 AM :: Submit. [+]
Music
It's been too long. I don't really know what happened, but I hadn't really listened to music anywhere but during my workouts for a long time.
Then I plugged my laptop into my speakers and let it play music randomly from my network.
God I love music! It really makes me feel good. Really good.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:57 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 27, 2004
:: Sigh ::
Did you know I kinda have a thing for Galadriel?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:05 PM :: Submit. [+]
I know!
That's why I call you Poetess!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:49 PM :: Submit. [+]
Guilt and Shame
Right now, I'm in mourning for the huge part of my life I have thrown away by giving in to my addiction.
I don't even know where to begin making things right with myself or with others in my life.
Maybe if I can get a handle on things I can move past all of the guilt.
I am overwhelmed with guilt. Maybe that's part of the problem. Or maybe feeling it is part of the solution. But whatever it is, I better find out.
Doc says I need to find a group to attend. I guess an hour group meeting is nothing compared to the five hours I gave away today.
I feel like such a shithead.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:37 PM :: Submit. [+]
I Had a Fantasy
I was bringing you closer to orgasm by fingering your clit.
While striking your ass randomly with a crop.
Striking harder as you got closer.
It made me really hard.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:26 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Soulless Answers Five Questions
Little Nemo asks: What song best represents who you are right now?
Soulless isn't sure how to answer the question, nevertheless he replies: Well, you could ask me that question daily and get a different answer each time. When I first thought seriously about answering the question, I came up with I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. It came out in 1972. By the way, Johnny Nash is a reggae artist. I had no idea, but it makes loads of sense thinking about the rhythm of the song. But I digress.
Why did I pick that song? First of all, I'm not entirely sure why I thought of it. But when it came to mind, I felt an immediate emotional resonance. I felt tears welling up. I figured that meant something.
The thing is, I've been pretty down on myself for a long, long time. It doesn't matter how long, but it might as well have been always, 'cause that's what it feels like. But I keep learning more about myself. My RL name is highly unusual in this country. My personality type of INTP is pretty uncommon. I'm left-handed. I was adopted by my mother's second husband. I wore a lot of hand-me-downs as a child because we were not so well off. We grew a lot of our own food in the yard, such that I had a lot of work to do at home when my more traditionally suburban friends were out playing football. I'm damned smart (In some ways, yes. Absolutely.). I'm moody and sensitive. I have ADD but was not diagnosed until adulthood. I have depressive tendencies. And, last but not least, I am a sexual addict. Addicted to porn. That last is something I want to deny, deny, deny. But in the face of evidence, I must concede the point.
All of those things, in their way, make me uniquely who I am.
Used to be, though, I hated how these things made me different from everyone else. I hated me for being different. Really and truly the differences were all I could see and I felt that life was extraordinarily unfair. I would cry and rage at how I could not be perfect because of these flaws. Berated myself for each error. I saw each and every molehill as a hideous monstrosity.
A lifetime of that was enough to make me want to quit. The first way to make that happen I figured was to off myself. Thought of a lot of ways to do it even. But I figured there was some amazing silver bullet cure out there somewhere so I started on meds and counseling.
Counseling taught me about catastrophic thinking, black-and-white thinking, and blind acceptance of false negative "truths" about myself. And it taught me that bringing those things into the light to examine them can be scary but can also reveal flaws in logic and over-reaction. Who? Me?
So, if I can collect these thoughts before they completely get away from me, what I'm thinking is at this point "the clouds" (my problems) "are breaking." (Reminds me of another song: Jacob's Ladder by Rush) In other words, I have tools and I have help to change my attitude. In significant ways, I'm much better off than a year ago. And a year ago I was much better off than the year previous. And I'm also thinking that, despite there being some shit to fix, it is all fixable. I'm not too old.
Compared to before, I can see clearly now.
Little Nemo: If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything? If so, what and why?
Soulless: Well... where do I start?
OK, I think one of the most important things I have learned is to question the voices in my head that say "I'll never make it," or "I'm doomed to fail," or "I'm such an idiot." On the face of it, none of the statements are really strong, but they come from a place of serious self-doubt. I heard criticisms from people (who may or may not have known what the hell they were talking about) and I internalized them. One person might only have said a single thing to me, but I was the one responsible for repeating it to myself over and over. I was the one who chose to believe the statement was largely correct. I blame the person for saying things to me... but only a little. The rest was my fault.
So one thing I would do differently is question. Question what I hear. Does it make sense? Does it help me? If not, it gets discarded.
Just because I trip doesn't mean I lost the race.
Just because I lose one race doesn't mean I have to quit running forever.
I quit doing a lot of things I wanted to do because I over-reacted to failure. Because I could not do it correctly the first time I thought I could not do it. Other things I didn't even try because I thought I would embarrass myself.
The real embarrassment now is knowing what I could have done, had I even tried.
Little Nemo: How would you best like to spend a Friday evening?
Soulless: That depends on context entirely. If I'm going to be with a group of good friends, then I would want the night to start in a restaurant. Not fast food... Maybe a place that serves good beer. So much the better if I can have Guinness or Bass. And a good rare steak. So, a long meal with friends, beers, laughing and joking, then on to a small club to see a band play. Nearly orgasm over how good the band sounds tonight. Have more beers. Wait 'til I'm sober so I can drive home. Kinda like that.
Or with a lover? Dinner would likely be more low key. The restaurant is gourmet or ethnic or both. Service is attentive and pleasant. I'm trying something I would never have tried as a child and it's absolutely amazing. You can't believe how good your dinner is either. Conversation is intense. Interesting. Witty at the right times. Words flow easily. We pick a movie that's a risk. Quirky yet somehow brilliant and we love it. Spend the drive to our place talking about imagery and symbolism. We compare the movie to other greats. Decide none of our friends will "get it." When we arrive, we relax. Find something delicious to snack on as we talk more. Become more comfortable. Maintain physical contact. And through non-verbal communication arrive at a mutual conclusion. And it's a good thing.
Little Nemo: What is your favorite childhood memory?
Soulless: I used to spend a lot of time with my grandparents. Sometimes at night I would wake up in the car on the way to their house. My dad had carried me to the car.
My grandfather worked the graveyard shift. Well, he worked late into the night, anyway. Which meant he slept into the day. At some point, maybe some specific time of day, my grandmother would give us the cue that it would be OK to wake him. My brother and I used to take a running start and leap from the doorway of his bedroom onto his bed. Or onto him. God, what a way to wake up! But he was always happy to see us. And he would rough-house with us and play tricks and make scary sounds. He was playful in a way my father never was. Those moments could be the highlight of my day.
When I got older, I used to stay up late with him on nights that he didn't work. We watched old movies on TV. Usually two of them. And I would sleep on the sofa the rest of the night.
Little Nemo: What do you like best about yourself? Least about yourself?
Soulless: I'm reasonably good-looking. I'm smarter than the average bear. I have strong friendships. I'm creative. I have many diverse interests. I feel strongly. I have people who love me. I think those are all good things.
I'm also a little vain, a little shy, a little quiet, a little distracted, a little overweight, a little depressed, prone to understatement, poor self-observer, a little impulsive, a little compulsive, a little moody, a little negative, a little inconsistent. Those are things that I think could be a lot better.
—-
Thanks! those were excellent questions!
—-
THE RULES!
1) Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2) I will respond. I'll ask you five questions.
3) You'll update your journal with my five questions and your five answers.
4) You'll include this explanation.
5) You'll ask other people five questions when they request to be interviewed.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:10 AM :: 9 Submissives [+]
January 24, 2004
OH!
So much to say!
Forgive me for my absence!
I will fill you in. God, I hope I can post it today!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:15 AM :: 7 Submissives [+]
January 22, 2004
Huntress
Are you on my trail?
You're getting warmer.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:05 PM :: Submit. [+]
I Was Asked Once
Do I get wierded out thinking people "might" be masturbating when they read my stories?
I have to admit... it's more the opposite. It's fuel to keep going.
I want you to want it.
Does it make you feel good?
'Cause I have more...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:02 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
January 21, 2004
Sad Thing
I've had to delete six comments this morning alone which I believe to be the work of spammers. I have added the offending addresses to a banned list.
I assume the list will be largely ineffective... but I'm finding that I'm going to have to be vigilant now.
I wonder if Typepad has implemented anything or can implement anything similar to the MT Blacklist plugin? And I wonder if it would even be effective against attacks like these.
Other alternatives are to allow commenting only for registered users, or to allow no commenting or trackback pings at all.
Advice?
Anyone?
Thoughts?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:44 AM :: 4 Submissives [+]
Who Knew?
I went and studied networking tonight with a good friend. Who knew I would begin to understand subnet masks and wildcard masks? Seriously.
No, we did not exchange data packets, nor was there any connecting long cables into ports. So you can stop that line of thinking right now.
Although he is a good cuddler. Yeah.
No.
It's after 0300. I've been up since 0400.
Goodnight, Moon!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:21 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
I Am a
Seer
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:03 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 20, 2004
Curses!
My kingdom for a password!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:38 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Bound, Part I
For me.
No need to show restraint.
I've done all the restraining you need.
Feel the leather.
I draw the crop across your ivory skin.
Pale and tender.
I caress you gently.
And make you sting.
Leaving pink footprints on your softness.
Shhh.
Sting.
Shhh.
Seeing you look at me wide-eyed.
Hearing the sounds you make through the gag.
Shhh, baby. I whisper.
Running my fingers through your hair.
Don't struggle.
The crop stings you three times in short succession.
Yes!
Your body contorts for me.
I run the crop along the back of your leg.
So beautiful how it is suspended for me.
I love to see the goose-flesh as it forms.
Striking your backside because it pleases me.
Slowly caressing the mark I've left on you.
Stinging the same place again.
And again.
How could you want to resist my gentle caresses?
I see how you tense yourself for blows that never come.
I wait patiently for you. To relax.
I draw gentle circles on your nipples.
Lavinshing attention first on one.
Then the other.
Not striking.
Slowly moving between your breasts.
Down your chest.
Over your stomach.
Over your navel.
Between your legs.
You can't close your legs.
But how you try.
Still the leather strokes you.
You're not resisting me now.
You try to press yourself against the leather.
No.
The leather moves to the top of your mound and strikes.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:29 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
I Miss You
I miss how you quiver.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:26 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 19, 2004
While You're at Work
I don't want you to think about me or about how much I want to make you come.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:05 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
I Would Never Hurt You
Not like that.
I know what it feels like to have the impulse to lash out. I got plenty as a child. And so many times I have felt the urge. I walk away. Just break the spell for a moment.
But I could never strike in anger. And it fills me with rage to know you have been hit.
It kills me.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:40 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 18, 2004
The Feeling of Control
Is a heady one.
Nobody warned me.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:09 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
You Want to Hurt Me?
You know I wouldn't let just anyone do that.
What would you do?
Would you still respect me after?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:52 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
The Man
But I never...
Well, not yet I haven't.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:50 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Hipsway
At the club this morning I was watching the in-house music video channel. A Shakira video came on and I was entranced by the way she moves her hips.
Meanwhile, on the next screen over there was an "infomercial" running and on-screen were the words. "Dry Meat Rub."
I thought to myself, "Hmmm. No. Not here."
[+] Posted by Sinner at 6:58 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 17, 2004
God, You Make Me Horny
You know, today was a rare day when I hadn't really though much about sex at all. Then I read my comments.
I'm the tease?
Don't think me ungrateful, for the love of God!
But, mmm...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:38 PM :: Submit. [+]
January 16, 2004
Would You Offer Your Throat to the Wolf?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:59 AM :: 10 Submissives [+]
Is This Boasting? I Mean, Yes. Yes. I. Am.
And I quote:
"Holy Voltron rip-off, you're Megazord!"
"You own being huge. You are the hugest guy around, without a doubt. Even really huge people whimper at your hugeness. And you are made of really huge robot dinosaurs. Huge. You are so huge it takes five power rangers to control you. And you can mash anything. Even mounds of foam rubber the size of cities. Because you're huge."
Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:39 AM :: Submit. [+]
Burning
If last night I was nearly burnt-out, today I feel like a 500 watt halogen floodlight. I feel a burst of energy like I rarely have and I intend to harness it.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:22 AM [+]
January 15, 2004
Scarcity
Last night I had my first night of my CCNA Semester 1 class. It meets the next several Wednesdays consecutively and has labs and tests on Saturdays. I got along really well with the instructor. There are only five in the class. We're all veterans of IT. We're already talking about group socializing. Scary.
I'm looking forward to the labs, but not so much reading the fifteen pound tome that goes with the class. It's all on me to succeed.
This afternoon I went to a job interview. It went relatively well, I thought. Except for I didn't like how the HR Directer told me to ask him questions first. I hate that shit. I talked a lot, more than I usually do (I prefer to brood quietly). But in a way I felt like was in my element and actually was very excited. Salary is not better than I had previously. It's contract to hire... but in the face of benefits running out in a month and a half, I would be glad to have it. And it would push me into Linux and Unix, which is experience I do not have.
And also I'm submitting my résumé for another system administration-type job. Also does not pay well, but it's for a state institution so... lots of guarenteed vacation days. If that means more time to play... then I will play.
If you had caught me earlier, I would have challenged you to a fight. The kinda playful kind that you still want to win. Followed by rough, sweaty sex.
Unfortunately, right now I feel like a lightbulb that's flickering before it goes out. I'm completely fried. Caffeine is BAD. Bad. Too bad I love it so much.
You know I love you.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:30 PM :: 5 Submissives [+]
NSFW
Today I learned NSFW means "Not Safe for Work."
A tip of the... (Don't make me say "helmet!") hat to Little Nemo for the link.
"Yes, it is purple. Why do you ask?"
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:43 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 14, 2004
Be Careful
Lest in casting out your demons,
You cast out the thing that was best within you.
—Nietzsche
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:56 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
Sometimes
I wish it was like it was before.
I know that's crazy talk.
So much changes.
Doesn't seem fair that so much pain lurks so close to the surface, that your sunlight is a few beams of light streaming through a break in the dark clouds.
I know how that feels.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I want to protect you from harm, from the world, and sometimes from yourself.
But all I have are words.
If by chance those words sometimes lift you up, make you grin, make you warm, make you feel alive...
Well, then. It's all worthwhile.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:43 PM :: Submit. [+]
Hungry
"Yes. I am hungry," I said.
And I slowly padded forward.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:52 PM :: Submit. [+]
Fist Bang
For some reason, I seem to notice every spam from that "sender."
That and Shocking Admin.
Something to think about. Where is my mind at exactly that makes those stand out?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:31 PM :: 4 Submissives [+]
More Tweaks
I have moved some of the sidebar content to the right now as you have no doubt noticed.
I wanted to bring more attention to a few things, but I don't want the design to seem too busy...
Let me know what you think.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:48 AM :: 7 Submissives [+]
January 13, 2004
"Come Here," She Said
Our eyes met. I paused for a moment, looking down into the distance. I had to fight to hold back a smile.
Looking up again to meet her gaze directly, I said "And if I do?"
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:52 PM :: Submit. [+]
If You Pounce on Me
I will not throw you off.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:22 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
A Little Known Fact
I am 6'2" tall.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:14 PM :: 4 Submissives [+]
January 12, 2004
This Just In:
She's kissed you with shadows...
She's caressed you with twilight...
And now? The third time is the charm...
SEDUCED BY MOONLIGHT by Laurell K. Hamilton
Look for it in bookstores February 3, 2004.
To read an excerpt go to:
http://www.randomhouse.com/features/lkhamilton/excerpt.html
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:37 AM :: 4 Submissives [+]
January 11, 2004
Little Is So Frightening
or so tender
as intimate honesty.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:18 PM :: Submit. [+]
'Cause When I See You
Sunlight in the rain
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:50 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 10, 2004
Mmm...
Ch1x0rs!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:11 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
I Read Your Words
and I want to fuck.
Ahem.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:39 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Warning:
I am an approval whore.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:34 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
January 9, 2004
Maybe It's Too Much To Ask
But I keep looking for new pictures.
Is that bad?
OMG! Not that there's anything wrong with the ones that I've seen... Jesus!
:: tingling ::
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:00 PM :: Submit. [+]
It's Official
Blogging has invaded my subconscious.
I took a nap this afternoon to sleep off a headache that wouldn't go away.
I dreamt that you and I were talking. I knew it was your voice because I knew you from your blog.
We were looking at my blog.
Mind you, all I saw in my dream was my blog. But you and I were having a conversation in person. I could hear your voice.
It was cool.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:47 PM :: Submit. [+]
I Have to Say
That when I see that low waistline and that bare midriff... I want to lick.
I want to hold your hips and stick my tongue in your navel just to see you squirm.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:44 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
January 8, 2004
I See You Baby
Shakin' that ass...
—Groove Armada
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:32 PM :: Submit. [+]
I Had A Dream Last Night
***UPDATED: Now with more comments!
I dreamed I was flirting with a coworker.
Now, you know, I don't even have a job right now.
The dream, like so many of mine, took place at night. Most of the dreams I remember are in half-light, or artificial light at night. Come to think of it, I have never seen the sun in any dream I remember although I have been in full sunlight. Hrmm.
Anyway: Dreams. I'm a little nutty about them. Mine anyway. I always have the feeling that dreaming about a new woman is a portent of change.
Is that twisted?
Well it made me cheerful this morning. Made me think I'm going to have a job soon.
Makes me wonder if I've learned anything.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:32 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
January 7, 2004
Yes
I think about you every day.
Stop worrying.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:59 PM :: Submit. [+]
Red and Gold
Rose and Canary
Jaquard weave
Boned corset
For the love of God
Pushed up
Breathing/heaving
Eastern perfume
Black stockings
Hug
Delicious curves
Legs
Down to
Fuck-me pumps
How did you know?
You slay me
Intoxicate
I obey
Please don't hurt me
And
Hurt
Me
Well
As long as you promise
Give it all
I want it more
To me
Fury
All
To sate me
Drunk
From your cup
Bliss and you bloom
Swayed
I follow
A curved line
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:28 AM :: 4 Submissives [+]
January 6, 2004
I Think I Feel A Sin Coming On...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:56 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
She Said To Me
"Baby, I can suck a cab driver through immigration!"
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:54 PM :: Submit. [+]
Look Into My Eyes
I do not look like I would ever hurt you.
But the joy I could take in your tender flesh...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:58 PM :: Submit. [+]
You Are Like a Mirror
Alike and yet still opposite.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:54 PM :: Submit. [+]
January 5, 2004
If You're In the Game
Than The Stroke's the word....
Thinking about hips.
Mesmerizing.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:17 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
January 4, 2004
Music
Music is very evocative to me. A song will bring back to me many memories of things happening in my life when I first became aware of it. Times. Places. People. Fragrances.
"My Kinda Lover"
McDonald's. The little girl slipped away from her group of friends to a table nearer to mine. Pretended to be looking at the contest game board in her hands. Asked me if I had just seen whatever movie was playing in that town. I shook my head "No," then glanced at my parents who were sitting across the aisle. I didn't know what their reaction would be and frankly I didn't want to deal with anything remotely embarrassing.
She looked at me and followed my glance to my parents.
Her eyes got big and she darted back over to her friends.
My mother so much as assumed I had no idea what had been happening.
To the contrary, I was very aware. Not that I would necessarily have known much about what to do—at that time in my life. And offended she would think I was oblivious. In fact, I lived for that sort of attention.
...
Or the week away at that church camp. Yeah, well, as usual I found someone to fixate on romantically. I always did. In fact I managed to get two friends fighting for my attention.
I wrote to one of them a few times. But it really pissed off my mother. I was 13 and she was 15. Clearly that girl would want nothing but to corrupt her baby boy.
But I wanted to be corrupted. That was the whole God-damned point.
Sadly that would have to wait.
She lived about an hour away, and at that time in my life it might just as well have been another continent.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:53 AM :: 4 Submissives [+]
January 3, 2004
Thank You For The Sound File
Your Master is generous.
And you... well, let's just say it was a pleasure.
Thank you!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:37 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
January 2, 2004
Creepy
Just watched a taped show with Patricia Cornwell analyzing a stalker who attempted to kill Björk.
The guy had no friends and talked into his video camera presumably as though he was talking to her.
Another analyst talked about obsessive thinking and stalkers increasingly losing grip with reality.
I was like, "Shut up! I like it here."
Hrmm.
I am just a sampler platter of issues.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:57 PM :: Submit. [+]
Hide and Seek
For the record.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:05 PM :: 6 Submissives [+]
January 1, 2004
Um...
I have 19 CDs (singles and albums) of Madonna.
That does not include (I do not yet own) her first and last album on CD.
She's a Leo, too.
Love those fire signs!
But that Music album really pissed me off.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:02 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
One By One
I deleted the entries at my old blog site, one by one.
I haven't deleted it entirely because I still get traffic from searches and old links there... but all of the content is gone from there. I copied it here long ago.
Turns out it was a valuable exercise. I remembered where I was and how I felt when I wrote most of the entries. I could see in my writing the influence of my encounters with other online authors.
And I could see how the nature of my posts changed.
In a lot of ways for the better.
But this is still a "secret" blog.
So... still plenty of things to work out in my life.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:39 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
A New Year
Peace and love, my friends.
I wish you peace and love.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:10 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
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