Balance

You're so sweet to suggest it. I know that means you care.

I'm not going to become celibate—per se. That's not what it means to admit sexual addiction, as far as I know.

What it does mean to me personally, and this perhaps will be different with me than with others, is that I will need to eliminate self-pleasuring as an avenue of sexual expression. Primarily because it has become a form of self-abuse and for all intents and purposes it has replaced healthy/normal/any sex with a woman. That part of my life has gone completely out of balance.

It seems reactionary, I understand, but I have tried to stop before. I have tried to do it only occasionally, or only just briefly. Inevitably what happens is that I end up surfing for porn for hours on end.

I have no qualms with porn or sexuality. None. But I know for myself, if I allow myself to look at porn I will masturbate.

I need to know that I can do more with my personal time than amass a gigantic porn collection. It just turns into this insane search for exactly the right image. And it never stops because there's another link and another, and another.

So I have to step away from the porn. Because I can't use it in a healthy way. Because I use it to withdraw from reality. Because I use it to self-medicate. Because I use it to get high.

This is going to be exceedingly difficult. I don't know when my head has been more full of spontaneous sexual fantasy than now. And it makes me want to masturbate. And I don't dare start.