Mercy!

I haven't for two weeks and 4 days.

I'm not bragging, I'm just saying. All it means is that other than for hygienic reasons, I have not touched the head of my cock. I've still looked a pr0n a few times. And I have read some very erotic and powerful words. And maybe written a few.

It's very hard to resist the urge to masturbate. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment by keeping this site alive but I do feel a strong connection with bloggers Ive linked to or who have linked to me. And I do desire maintaining a strong personal connection.

A big reason for my reduced online presence of late is that I fear falling into the same old routine of sleep deprivation due to excessive masturbation. There's nothing wrong with masturbating, it's just that I seem to have a great deal of trouble controlling it. And by not masturbating, I have removed a source of tremendous personal guilt and shame.

I don't lust or crave any less. Believe me. But I am learning a lot about myself, and I believe that is helping me to be able to make thoughtful decisions about what I really want to do.

But sometimes I want to let lust roll me and take over again. I want a fix. Crave it badly.

The words I read speak to me powerfully. I really don't have words to express. I don't have an outlet for some of the things I feel, some of the things I've never done. The want right now is so powerful it feels like a need.

And travel. Well, it's not an option right now. But I swear you'll be the first to know if it ever is.

I'm going to bed now. I'm praying for a mercifully short time awake there, because I want.