« You Might Go Weak in My Arms | Home Page | Lust Is Everywhere »
April 14, 2004
Now I Lay Me...
Among other reasons why I used to masturbate so much... there was the promise of drifting almost immediately into oblivion.
No racing thoughts... just "lights out."
Nothing worse than thoughts racing... it gives you the opportunity to explore everything that's wrong within the space of a few short minutes. And then, then obsessive wondering what I should have done differently or worrying that I have time to resolve an issue before some terrible consequence befalls me.
Sometimes I could go to that escapist place and fantasize. Dream the dream of the moment, revising it each time so that it becomes more perfect.
Or I could relive some embarrassing moment from my past that I've revisited a thousand times before.
But if I masturbated, when I layed myself on the mattress I might see a few random pornographic images in my minds eye... and then nothing. Sweet, sweet nothing.
Wasn't the main reason I masturbated, but I liked that side-effect.
Meanwhile, I've been trying to change some of those thought patterns. If I obsess about a problem, I do try to break it into parts that on their own do seem possible to fix.
I try to not be so ridiculous with the fantasies. I try to see through them to what it is I really think I'm looking for.
And I still remember those embarrasing things from ancient and recent past. Except now I try to be much gentler with myself. I remind myself that I learned and what I learned, that the moment is past, and that it's OK to let go.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (April 14, 2004 11:33 AM) by revealing evil. [+]
1 Comments
Leave a comment
« You Might Go Weak in My Arms | Main | Lust Is Everywhere »
Souless - that is a TERRIBLE waste of a good wank. But I have done it myself, I commiserate.
I'm glad your are masturbating for better reasons now
;-)