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July 23, 2004
Confusing
How I go back and for between posts about addiction and then giving in to lust?
Don't worry. I'm confused, too.
Sometimes I think there is no possible way to keep this up and also recover. Other times I think I get strength and community here.
I don't want to give up this site.
:: sigh ::
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (July 23, 2004 1:33 PM) by speaking evil. [+]
3 Comments
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Soulless, I realize the culture of addiction demands that you indulge in mea culpas and a lot of (in my opinion) unneccessary breast beasting about how awful it was to be addicted and how it ruined not only your life but the life of everyone around you including your pet igauna.
However, sex isn't alcohol. Alcohol is an outside force acting on you. Your sex drive is an integral part of you as human being. And frankly, if thinking about sex constantly is a hallmark of sexual addiction, I'd say the human race has been a collection of junkies since the dawn of time.
I adore you and if you say you're an addict, I'm prepared to back you. But, keep in mind that our society has always viewed sex as something dirty and shameful. I don't have any research to back me up, but I'd be willing to bet that the numbers of Americans who identify themselves as sexual addicts are higher than those in any other country. Having dirty thoughts constantly doesn't make you addict (in my opinion). It makes you a boy.
I'm not sure whether the blog is the same thing as a sexual addiction (granting that there is such a thing, and granting that 12 steps is the way to deal with it).
Clearly, in many ways, we are "powerless" over sex, but then that is how Darwin would have wanted it, eh? Not the same thing, I would argue, as being powerless over alchohol.
Then again, 12 steps is the closest I have ever come to belief.
So, it's not so easy to think about...
But my impulse is to disagree that the blog is part of the addiction. Writing about sex is not sex!
How else to write the big book but to WRITE?!
So keep questioning, thinking, writing, working.
p.
Ha. The slogan at last: One step at a time. Maybe the blog is a ste
The problem comes with the fact that to blog, one must be on the computer. On the computer is the problem, as the temptation to surf for hours searching for pics increases with proximity.
It's like writing an article about bars from within a bar if you are an alcoholic. There's a high temptation to just take one drink, because what would that hurt? You aren't there to get drunk, after all. You're just writing about it. Before you know it, you are passed out and puking. or the other way around, we hope.
Therefore I really like your idea of getting online in public. you can still blog there, but feel much less compelled to surf.
Do whatever works for you. I agree with John, one step at a time, but you get to decide what those steps are. I miss your lovely posts as much as anyone, but I'd miss you more if you were gone completely. Take care of yourself.