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October 30, 2004
It's Been Decided
We're getting a realtor and a lawyer. And probably, not a moment too soon.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:22 PM :: 8 Submissives [+]
October 28, 2004
Sol Kiss
Burning sacred fire
Embers permanently lit
Cinnamon and sandalwood dazzle
Breathing your incense
Tasting your lips
Which requires more
Which creates more
Which needs more
Mother goddess
Fertility fetish
My Nut, My Hera
Sipping vitae from your wealth
Flower of Creation
Perfumed chalice to my lips
Tongue tracing petals
Flicker fire in your water
Axis Mundi in the Mound of Creation
Lingam and Yoni completing conjugally
Joining etherially
Cosmos dreamily
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:28 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
October 27, 2004
Of Course, Rope Is Beautiful
There is no doubt in my mind that I could use it in ways that would please us both.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:46 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
It's the Coffee
Whatever it is that goes into the coffee they give me... that's what it is that keeps me going.
On an extremely slow night I occupied myself—by hyper-focusing—cleaning the keyboards on the cash registers.
And sipping coffee.
Did you find what you came for tonight?
Excellent.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:56 AM :: Submit. [+]
October 26, 2004
Everything Is For a Reason
Sh.
I didn't tell you to speak.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 5:03 PM :: Submit. [+]
Actually, I Am Going to Leave You Chained to the Bed a Little Longer
I want you on the floor at the foot.
On your hands and knees.
Do not move.
That's my girl.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:05 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Overwhelmed
La La
La La Land
Debt
But it doesn't matter if they keep taking my card, right?
Shit.
I'm worth so much more than what I'm earning per hour at the bookstore.
Mindless automaton.
Yes, we have books. No, not the title you read ten years ago. Oh, wait, there it is on the shelf. Fuck.
Stop messing everything up! Why is this section so horribly arranged?
How the fuck would I know if we have the blue dog in the house series? Why does your child's face look blue and why can't I understand a word he is saying?
Yes, of course you can use the fucking computer. Yes, of course the books are arranged alphabetically. Yes, of course you can fucking order it from the web.
No, it's still not in print. No, we won't fucking send you spam.
Yes, we'll fucking call you when it comes in.
No, we are not fucking partisan—we want everyone's money.
Why are you fucking waiting at the closed registers?
No, Donna Summer is not in Easy Listening.
Why are the cash registers so ridiculously fucking slow?
Why is the teen-aged cow so condescending?
Why do I have to spend every shift agonizing over each excruciating moment?
Why can't I ever be zen about things?
Why can't I ever remember the times when I have been zen?
Why do I behave so selfishly?
Why am I so afraid of people?
Why am I such a liar?
Why do I always betray?
Will I ever learn?
Why do I have to wait so long between visits with doctors?
Why don't we short circuit the process and I'll just check myself in.
I don't know if I can any more.
I'll just sit here in the corner, in my head, dreaming about what I could buy.
I know. I know it's fucking wrong. You told me.
I know.
So what's the fucking solution? What is it?
Quit the prescription meds?
Take more?
Quit masturbating?
Have a fucking zillion affairs?
Get divorced?
Stay married no matter what?
Dammit.
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
Silly boy.
When you rub yourself raw, it hurts.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:40 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
October 23, 2004
You're a Klever Kisser!
A Klever Kisser enjoys being seductive and desirable. You're the kind of person that is naturally more erotic and aggressive. You enjoy being sensual and involving the entire body in a kiss. You enjoy kissing anytime and for as long as it takes to get the job done right. You don't mind displaying your affection in any location, and pride yourself in your kissing technique. You have an awesome amount of passion and heat flowing through your body when you kiss. You do not take kissing lightly, and tend to hope it will lead to more touching and sharing. You are spicy and can be a little racy. Be careful not to forget the value of a sweet and slow kiss. Your usual hot and heavy kisses are exciting, but it's nice to have a little variety now and then. Overall you are certainly the most sexy of the kissing styles, and you definitely keep the car windows fogged.
Kissing Quiz, via Falling to My Death and to My Knees
*kiss*
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:59 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
I Don't Want It
Or I do.
But I don't.
You see, it's all about me.
A very young girl at work seems to be—and this is my perception—unduly concerned about me.
One night this last week she was in the store with a friend of hers after her shift. She assumed a goofy voice and asked me where to find the erotica.
Heh... On my blog, darling....
When I turned to look at her she walked quickly away from me shouting "I'm joking!"
Leave me alone.
This has got to be one of the things in my life that I haven't learned to deal with, because it keeps coming up.
She can't be twenty, yet.
And, if I may be cruel, she's not pretty.
Although I did notice her pink t-shirt today. And the fact that her low-rise jeans revealed ink on her spine. Either a kangaroo or the Kangol logo. I'm too unhip to be certain.
She seemed to have traded positions in the store tonight to work with me at the registers. Yet she didn't talk to me much except to bark corrective steps when I seemed to be in violation of standard procedure.
It pisses me off that I notice. That I have this gut feeling that's what's happening.
But, I want to be wanted.
At the end of the night, everyone leaves the store together.
I made a point of not saying good bye to anyone. I just made a beeline to my car.
It's all about me.
"stoneface"
You are the only one who knows I think this shit. I never show my hand.
"...The Great and Powerful Oz!"
Nevermind the man behind the curtain.
Frankly, the most alluring woman in the store is... I think a housewife and mother. But I think she would like to be hip and cool again. Wouldn't we all? She wears nice dresses and skirts with Doc-Martin-like shoes. You know... could be funky, but you can tell she's trying.
I think she's pretty conservative—thinking some vanilla stuff is pretty racy. Makes me wonder what it might be like to turn her sexual world upside down.
She's a little of a flirt. Which is fine. But in the end... I'm not all that interested in her, either.
Am I super ill?
I completely think about every woman I interact with in terms of sexual compatibility.
There's another really young girl there who talks a lot and it seems to be about how unusual shethinks she is. I like it because I think I make her nervous, which makes her want to cover it up by talking.
In my mind's eye, I could see me grabbing a handful of her long straight hair, forcing her to her knees, and thrusting my cock in her mouth.
That's just at the one job...
I think sexually about the women at my day job, too.
There are two beautiful african-american women.
And I'm sort of attracted to the pregnant white woman who talks like she's black. She wears tall mules all the time. I get kind of a slutty vibe from her which I dig, despite that she's not very pretty, either.
Yeah. Well, I really know nothing about these people, but this is the level at which I exist.
It's on my mind.
A lot.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:23 AM :: Submit. [+]
October 22, 2004
Everything Changes
:: sigh ::
Including passwords.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:18 AM :: Submit. [+]
October 21, 2004
I Was All Happy For Devi
I spent a long time one night this week helping here get her site up again after her domain got away from her.
She had forgotten to update her contact info for it since she had moved away from AOL as her main ISP. Or anyway for her main email. Subesquently, when email was sent to remind her of the domain registration expiring... she didn't get it.
After enough time had passed, the domains were released into the wild and were snapped up by a company who would love to resell them.
Devi, not to be outdone, promptly registered the .org version of her domain. I mean, the .com version was taken so why not get the .org version—right?
So the domain became active and she worked with her ISP to get everything fixed. And I helped where I could.
And for one brief, shining evening Flipside was reborn.
The next day... she was accused of fraud. She doesn't understand why, but that's what they said to her. They wanted to see a copy of her driver license. She didn't think she needed to prove anything so she said "Fuck you very much." Or something. She did get her money back.
So... Flipside is down.
And that's everything I know. Needless to say, the poor girl is pretty damned upset about the whole thing. Who could blame her?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:46 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
I Took Last Night Off
Because I was just too damned exhausted.
I slept for like 10 hours but still managed to be 20 minutes later to work than I wanted to be this morning. The good news is... nobody was there to notice. It's a non-profit. No one races to work there.
I missed you.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:32 PM :: Submit. [+]
October 19, 2004
Whoa.
Have you read Neeraja at Luxuria Erotica?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:40 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
You Are the Coolest
It's pretty easy for me to drop into patterns of self pity. That's pretty hard to read about on a regular basis.
I mean—the first time you're exposed to it, you might feel pity, but over and over again I know it's draining.
So thanks for reading. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for your supportive comments and brilliant advice.
You know I love you, right?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:45 PM :: 5 Submissives [+]
Damned Spammers
They found me.
:: grumble grumble ::
UDATED:
I loaded MT Blacklist, just now. It made me feel empowered, hopefully it's more than a placebo. ;)
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:29 AM :: Submit. [+]
Catching Devi on the Flypsyde
Devi's got a new org: www.flypsyde.org
Give her love, people. Love, or flogging. And flogging.
Or *lick* her.
She writes tasty stories.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:18 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Here We Go
So... Tonight after I got home from my second job, I got a letter from my insurance company indicating that they'll pay for the recommended course of therapy outside of my normal channels.
I'm going to call them tomorrow to verify the procedure for this. And make certain I understand that they are in fact approving the treatment.
Which I guess is all good. I mean, I have a packet with a battery of diagnostic tests. I suspect they intend to analyze me well, to make certain I'm not fucking with them.
I've been getting a lot of second chances lately.
I don't know what to make of this, but I'm going to keep trying to move forward.
God, am I tired. I should really go to bed...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:11 AM :: Submit. [+]
October 18, 2004
Again
I feel sick and powerless.
Mentally ill.
Once again, no sleep.
All night searching for more porn.
I'm sore. I'm scared that I'm out of control.
I'm scared I'll fuck up my jobs.
Shit. I keep doing it.
Why?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:32 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Done Deal
Well... for better or worse, I have moved completely away from TypePad. I'm grateful for the experience I gained working with my templates there, but I have always wanted more control, and I have always selfishly wanted to say "I did it myself!"
While—truly—all I have done here is install software, the installation does work and and I am responsible for it.
I don't know if I will ever customize the Movable Type software—if I will ever necessarily reach that level of sophistication or even need that level of sophistication... I just find the fact that I could do it to be very reassuring.
Now, I just want to work on my design chops. I have some ideas bouncing around in my head for ways to change the site template and I plan to be working on those as time goes on. Meanwhile, I'm sticking with the sort of Halloween theme I have going. :: shrugs :: It does the job for now. The way this site ends up should look much different that it does today.
There is an MT 3.0 Bible coming out at the end of this month which I plan to use to extend my knowledge, and there is a Hacking MT book coming out in January that I can't wait to get my mitts on.
The other thing I want to do is have a few photo galleries. Some shots of me like I had at the TypePad site, and some of my favorite porn.
More as the site develops.
Thanks for moving with me!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:11 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
October 16, 2004
Mmmm! Girls!
;)
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:41 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
October 15, 2004
Insufficient Filter
It's a sad day when a content filter can be defeated by allowing the IP address of a blocked domain.
Yet, happy!
Because that means I can post all my dirty thoughts from work!
Be very afraid of the lust-filled geek.
He will find a way.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:43 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
October 14, 2004
Not Sufficiently Evil
This design needs more darkness.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:13 AM :: 5 Submissives [+]
October 13, 2004
Gmail
In the off chance you haven't had this offer from three million of your other blog friends, I do have the ability to offer invitations to get a Google email—or Gmail— account.
A gigabyte of email storage for nothing.
You know you want another secret email account.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:34 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
No More Blog Design
Not tonight anyway.
I brought my links over, finally. Find them along the right. And do check them out. I like all of them.
Click. Click. Read. Read.
Almost done. I need to find a nice tool for generating photo albums. I want to host the HTML and the images, so I will not consider another third-party service. Anyone have recommendations?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:59 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
October 11, 2004
Fan-Freakin'-Tastic!
As of today, I became a network administrator and a "book seller," both. Two jobs, baby!
And *boy* do I need them! My previously meager finances were stretched past breaking.
I am currently super-excited, hopeful, and proud.
:: bows humbly, deeply, gratefully ::
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:05 PM :: 5 Submissives [+]
October 10, 2004
Drawing Board
Sorry for all of the public experimentation. I will get this right, I promise.
For the moment however, I am reverting to a default style and default template. I might even live with it for a while until I have all of my links back in the right places and everything.
Once that's done, I'll try to build a new design that works on a test blog, first.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:37 PM [+]
October 9, 2004
Those More Practiced Among Us
Hrmm. I wonder what I've done. If you're the sort to have multiple browsers, look at my site both in IE and in Firefox/Netscape/Mozilla. Clearly I broke something, but I am at a loss to determine what it is.
Dammit.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:14 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
October 8, 2004
Book Signing
I went to Uncle Hugo's tonight to get a copy of Incubus Dreams signed.
Sadly, I forgot my digital camera. :(
I spoke to Laurell briefly and asked her if it was hard to write all day, then turn around and write in her blog. She said that she can do it if she changes the music she's listening to. She said it doesn't matter what it is, but it has to be different than what she listens to when she writes. I believe she is known to have a few specific CDs she listens to while writing each book, although which CDs will change with each title.
She also said that she was surprised that so many people read her blog. She said at one signing it was as though one in three people mentioned the read the blog as well as her books.
She also said she has never written something so close to a diary in all her life.
I thanked her for coming. Minneapolis isn't a huge city, as they go, and Uncle Hugo's/Uncle Egdar's is a private little store—so I think it's cool she's made a point of coming here. That makes twice that I've seen her, both at the same store.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:07 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Devi Say
She's known by so many names, but the intriguing young woman author of the fabulous blog Flipside—Just, Devi, Maculate Deviant, MD—wants you to know she's having "domain problems."
I do not know what said issues are, but I have faith they will be resolved shortly, and she will return to us with her brilliantly pervy prose.
Best wishes, dear. We miss you.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:19 PM :: Submit. [+]
Whining
I'm bored and lonely and pissed.
I wanted to make a red column extend down the full length of the blog page here, but haven't been successful yet. I know I could do it with old-school tables, but I'm trying to do it in CSS and my efforts to date have been for naught.
I should really be sleeping right now, but for whatever reason I'm still wide awake. Probably all the caffeine I injested today. Remember how I said I need to avoid it? Yeah... I still do.
Monday, at long last, I start a new contract. I'm hoping this one turns into permanent work. I need to not fuck it up by coming in late everyday because I spent the entire night online. And I also need to not fuck it up by being online all day at work. I love to check email and I love online chat. Dammit. And blogging. And sexy you.
But anyway... it's a system administrator/network administrator type of position. Dream job, really. Pay isn't excellent, but it's good. And if I can turn it into a real full-time job I'm gonna been super happy.
Also, tomorrow I'm going to go in for a second interview at a large national bookstore chain. I expect to be offered a position for weekend and evening work. I need the money.
Soulless will be working his ass off for quite a while to come. He has to pay back the debts his little compulsive spending habits have racked up.
In still other news, I've been working out. Treadmill, mostly. Power-walking between 4 and 5 MPH, for close to an hour a day. The doctors say that an hour of intense aerobic exercise a day is good for what ails my Attention Deficit Disordered, Depressive-tendencied, bi-polar brain.
I'm inclined to agree. My mood has been way better lately, generally speaking.
Except for being pissed at the 12-step program I'm in. Despite a generally welcoming environment, there is still self-shaming going on by participants (my opinion based on what I observe), and there is too much lust-is-wrong-for-us thinking for my taste. Too much association with "poison" and "taking."
I would really prefer a more secular approach. I can't deny the spiritual in my life, but in American culture it's too much associated with I-am-a-bad-person-but-for-God-in-my-life.
Or maybe it's that I would prefer a non-Western, non-xtian approach. Something more celebratory of life and what it means to be alive and to have a body with functions and desires that is a perfect expression of the will of the universe. Wouldn't that be better?
Where can I find this?
Which reminds me, I still haven't called to get a new, new therapist. My insurance didn't want to cover the one that was recommended to me. Jerks! So I can only hope that someone at my regular clinic is available for that sort of thing. I don't know. Whatever.
My parents miss me (or something) and they're resorting to bribery to get me to visit them. I don't get it. I feel like for as nicely as they treat me, they simultaneously suck life out of me. I don't want to visit them. I just don't want to. But I simultaneously do not have the balls to say "No."
My dad is becoming more frail, and I think his mortality is starting to frighten him. He has become much more openly emotional, which is damned hard to take after growing up with a man who was so damned stern and strict. For as much as I wanted to feel he loved me unconditionally and for as much as I craved his acceptance, I am completely not prepared to face the power of his emotional need now. It's overwhelming.
Plus! Plus, I will have to do a dance around the 12-step subject. I will absilutely not talk about that with them, although my mother's reliance on me as a male friend early in my childhood has got to be a big part of what put me where I am now. My mother is SO fucking needy. She always tells me how crappy things are going in her life. She refuses to believe that diagnosable syndromes might be a big part of the crap she's been through in her life. She thinks she just needs to try harder or something.
Is it any wonder that with parents like this I am so emotionally fucked up?
Which reminds me. My mother has been feeding me negativity about my birth father and his family for years now. I have to find out what the rest of the story is. I haven't spoken to my biological father since I was like.... 3 or 4 or something. I wouldn't recognize him if I ran into him in a phone booth. So that's something else I want to do but haven't done yet.
I don't know what I meant to accomplish in writing this post, but if you got this far, thank you for caring.
I needed to get it out.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:01 AM :: 6 Submissives [+]
October 7, 2004
Rope
I want to bind your arms behind your back.
I want to see you on your knees before me with your head pressed to the floor.
So that I can take what is mine.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:03 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Sigh!
One step forward, two steps back!
There's nothing like making trouble for yourself by setting the FTP application you're using to ASCII instead of auto.
I spent a long time trying to figure out why my images were so screwed up... But now everything seems to be working better.
I'm way sleep deprived.
I'm going to upload my images, yet again, then call it a night.
The redesign will continue tomorrow... or Friday. OR maybe I'll just make it look like the old one. I dunno. We'll see what develops.
Thanks for your patience!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:40 AM :: Submit. [+]
October 5, 2004
Technical Issues
Just FYI.
I don't know what I'm about to fuck up, but I'm about to map blackasmysoul.com to another server and set up an instance of Movable Type there.
It could end up screwing up a majority of my links... or not.
For the time being, all of my content will remain available at blackasmysoul.typepad.com.
I will make certain that no content is lost. I've already done a preliminary export, and I will do another before I turn my Typepad account off.
I'll lose some cool Typepad features. I'll miss that. But I'll learn more about blog setup and publishing, so that's a good thing.
All I know for sure is that the look will change a bit... but I'm keeping the color scheme largely the same. And I have already had a request to keep my eye visible.
Here we go!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:55 PM :: Submit. [+]
October 4, 2004
Lick My Nipples
Then squeeze them.
The sensation makes me squeeze the muscles at the base of my cock, which is already rigid for want of you.
Seeing it bob before you, you put a hand around it firmly. I inhale sharply. You move your hand up and down slightly and maintain that firm hold while kissing me deeply.
I love the taste of your kisses. I could kiss you for hours.
But your hand on my cock feels so good. And you're pressing your other hand on my chest—forcing me on my back.
Sometimes you stroke lightly. Sometimes you squeeze hard and yank. Sometimes you stroke me very quickly.
You bend down as though to take me in your mouth, but stop short. instead you hold your head close, mouth open, looking into my eyes.
You're in control.
You bend closer still. Stroking me. My hips are moving in response to you.
Then you stop moving. Teasing me.
Move my hips because I want my cock in your mouth, but you move farther away.
You tease me, movng your mouth close, but never quite.
You touch the very tip of your tongue to my cock, for a moment. Then you lick more languidly once, then again.
I moan when you swirl your amazing tongue around the head of my cock, then take me into your mouth.
Nobody does that like you do. I am awash in sensation. Heat. Tongue. Hands. Saliva.
You make my heart pound. You make me gasp for air.
When I think I'm going to come, you slow—then stop.
And keep a hand around the base of my cock, you shift to straddle me.
You lift your self up, then position me at the entrance of your pussy and slowly guide me in.
It's delicious to feel your heat and tightness. It's delicious to see your face as I enter you that first time.
It feels so good inside you! So good as you rock up and down on my cock. So good as you grind at the base of me, leaving me wet all the way down.
When you lean forward to kiss me, I put my hands on your hips and thrust furiously into you. It feels so good inside you!
When you sit back up to control the thrusting, my hands find your nipples and circle and stroke.
I want you to feel as good as I do. I want you to lose yourself on my cock like I am losing myself in you.
I am rising to meet you. You are falling on to me.
And I know nothing but the sensation of my cock inside you.
As the tightness explodes into white heat, I feel the spasms of sweet release. It feels like my come is jetting into you. I am coming inside you. Coming.
And when I come back to my senses, I see you looking into my eyes.
With half-lidded pleasure, I'm happy to look right back.
It's my turn now to insist.
As you roll off of me, I scooch down on the bed—still on my back.
I motion for you to straddle me again, but this time I do the guiding.
I'm going to suck on your clit.
My hands pull your hips down and I close my mouth over your pussy.
I let my tongue to the walking. And the swirling and darting. And flicking and touching and rubbing.
My hands slide up the side of your body then move to your breasts.
Again I find your nipples but this time I squeeze them.
While my tongue dances on your clit I roll your nipples.
I am encouraged by every sound you make. Every whimper and moan. Every sigh and gasp.
I love that you grind into me. It makes my tongue that much more determined. I roll and pull your nipples.
Yes, you tell me. I flick my tongue over your clit. Yes, you say again. And I tongue your clit again.
And your sounds are no longer words as you squeeze my head with your thighs.
When you come in a gasp you put all of your weight on me, grinding into my mouth. I can feel your pussy spasm on me. Your wetness flows over me. And I feel the tremors rock you.
Mmm!
Making you come is one of the best things in the world.
Your legs are rubbery so I help you off of me.
And I lay close to you.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:04 PM :: 6 Submissives [+]
October 3, 2004
Darkness
Maybe it's just me, but I'm not happy about this trend of lighted Halloween ornaments.
I'm also angry that Count Chocula has no fangs [he's a fucking monster, you PC wusses! Don't get me started on gummy Franken Berry or Casper the friendly fucking Boo Berry ghost!], but that's another post.
For me, there are few appropriate lighted items: candles, lanterns, bonfires, and flashlights. That's it. The holiday for celebrating the return of light comes in a few months. Then, go crazy with the lights. I love it then.
Having said that, let me add that Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and seasons of the year.
Halloween for me is about mortality and the fears at the center of our being—the demons we face when the shadows get longer and there is no light before our eyes to distract us.
'Trick or treat!" is a threat of mischief.
The music which I will forever associate with the time of year is Danse Macabre by Saint-Saens, a piece about the spirits that are active between the witching-hour and dawn.
I don't know what the whole truth is about the holiday, although I know some have tried to educate me.
But I will say that disposable plastic lighted things aren't it for me.
What says Halloween to you?
And also, wasn't Sleepy Hollow one of the most beautiful movies ever filmed?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:01 PM :: 7 Submissives [+]
O, to Be Pharoah
RG has a story about how the ancient Egyptians made the sun... rise. Please go read Early Morning at the Temple of Amun-Ra.
Reminds me of some amazing passages in Norman Mailer's novel about Egypt called Ancient Evenings. There is lovemaking in it that rivals anything I have read anywhere. And there is generally a sensuality about the book that I liked and have rarely encountered since. It's the only Norman Mailer I have read, as I have tended toward genre-fiction like sci-fi, but I have been fascinated with ancient civilizations for as long as I can remember. I couldn't pass it up—and that was before I knew there would be great sex in it!
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:56 PM :: Submit. [+]
October 2, 2004
I Love Watching the Hem of Your Skirt
As you move.
Stand. Walk. Sit. Cross your legs. Glimpses of more.
I love the line of your shin and the curve of your calf.
I love how tall heels make those lines longer.
When I can see your thighs I want to push the hemline slowly higher.
The anticipation is making me tremble.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:56 PM :: 7 Submissives [+]
What? No Cake For Me?
That's OK...
I'll eat downtown.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 7:54 PM :: Submit. [+]
Damn
I went to check out Cunning Linguists... and I didn't even rank.
Gawd.
Usually I'm at least on the board...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:30 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
Answer to a Burning Question
Yes, I do think fishnets are hot.
I also like stockings with seams.
But I especially like what goes in them.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:55 AM :: 2 Submissives [+]
October 1, 2004
Duality: Follow-Up to Individualist Culture Post
I keep to myself, too—as a rule.
It's management of perception. I choose to control the ways others view me. I think many or most of us do. There are a few courageous enough to be true, through and through. And there are others who are too simple to be deceptive. But the rest of us, I think we're somewhere along the spectrum between having nothing to hide and living one or more lives.
And when I say "we," I guess I'm refering to the people I know or know of in the US or in the western world, and really I'm saying "me."
But it occurred to me just now to make a connection between this thread and a bunch of books I have been reading which speculate on the history of the Masons and the Templars. Masonry, as practiced, is a perfect example of indoctrinated secrecy. I know—the Masons claim to have no secrets. Yet in at least a few ways, they keep information exclusively to the initiated.
In my own life I attend 12-step meetings which rely on personal anonymity. Yet, we pour ourselves out at these meetings and reveal intimately personal information, things which we have told no one else. At the end, the leader of the meeting says "What we say here, let it stay here."
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this necessarily, but I am saying there is a significant part of me and what I'm going through that I can't and won't reveal. That information could cost me a marriage, it could cost me friendships, and it could certainly limit the type of employment I could seek if I was to be transparent and tell significant people in my life that I was in treatment for sex addiction.
I also tend to get very quiet when people start to talk about politics. I am neither Democrat nor Republican. I am not Libertarian nor am I Independant. Have you read the platforms? Those people are all at least as insane as I am. How am I supposed to want to vote for them?
Don't get me started on religion. I have been indoctrinated in the Lutheran faith. I've been baptised, had communion and was confirmed in my teens. I professed belief in God and that I was saved by grace through faith in Jesus as my savior.
Then one of the pastors resigned his calling as it seemed he had sexual relations with some of the girls in my confirmation class and youth group. I never really went back. Because underneath the Sunday clothes, a church is a business with income goals and a budget. No matter what your faith, your congregation is still a group of humans that behave like humans do.
But I never say this.
There are so many reasons why we keep to ourselves. It has to do with what we think, or what we fear others will think of us. And so we stand on our own and act in our own interests. And, yes, it is lonely as hell. But this is part of the cost of being able to act at will according to my needs and desires.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:45 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
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