« October 2004 | Main | December 2004 »
November 30, 2004
I Don't Have an About Page
Since I left TypePad, I don't have an About page. But I'm thinking about building one along the lines of 100 Things About Soulless.
Anything you're dying to know?
You can ask anything...
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:21 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
November 28, 2004
The Root of It
I didn't want to take you like this.
But the fact is, I have always wanted you like this.
I have always wanted you to want me like this.
I am ashamed at the intensity of my craving, how intensely I feel it. Surely you feel it, too?
Entering you, feeling your tightness and heat surround me, I am oblivion.
Your cries and screams might deter me, if I were here.
Can you feel it? Don't you?
Whore. Slut. Who am I condemning?
But I must fuck you. I must fill you with me.
Your sqeals fuel me, make me feel impossibly bigger.
I love that my little girl is all wet for me.
For a moment I treasure your tight little body.
Then, I can only know the tightness of your cunt as you squeeze me.
I know that all reason has left me.
And I know only that I must come inside you.
And I come until I empty myself into my good little girl.
And I cling to her.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:29 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
November 27, 2004
I Stayed Up Late
Thinking about you on your knees.
Thinking about ordering you to spread yourself for me.
Thinking about stuffing my cock into your hot little twat.
Thinking about putting my cock into your mouth and rubbing off all of that slutty lipstick.
Thinking about making you play with your pussy while I come onto your tits.
You're my good girl.
You make me very happy.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:11 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Subversive Psychotics
I love TranceJen. You should, too.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:36 AM :: Submit. [+]
November 25, 2004
Giving Thanks For:
You.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:48 PM :: Submit. [+]
Thanksgiving Dinner Is What You Make It
At one point, my aunt and I were examining the bon bons together looking for the chocolate covered cherries.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:44 PM [+]
November 23, 2004
Cunning Linguists List
In case you haven't already read your email or your contact information isn't up to date, the Cunning Linguists list has undergone many revisions in order to handle the traffic they've been getting.
If you were previously listed, you will need to sign up for a new account. The form is a little confusing. Apparently you can ignore the last three fields. And you do have to include a reciprocal link. I would have thought this to be the same as your blog URL... but I suppose you might have your links on a separate page, so that page URL would be what you would enter. Otherwise just re-enter your blog URL.
Is this being patronizing by explaining this? I'm sorry. I'm just excited to share information...
Last thing... I was alarmed that I wasn't immediately listed, but the admin approves them before they appear. You'll get an email to that effect, I was just impatient.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:10 PM :: Submit. [+]
November 22, 2004
I Love Your Hunger
It oozes from you.
It permeates what you say and do.
I have hunger too.
Let's feed.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:16 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
General Metaphysics
I've been noticing a lot of goth grrls getting books on witchcraft and wicca. But I don't recall the goth boys getting anything other than the manga and graphic novels.
It this the normal way of things, or just how it is in my part of the world?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 2:05 PM :: Submit. [+]
Literate Perverts
I love that I have been getting google hits for pudenda.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:53 PM :: 4 Submissives [+]
Change in the Weather
I acted out in a big way last night—as per my frequent Sunday routine—and I was awake until 0300. After having masturbated twice, I still found myself obsessively checking my blog and comments on it.
More than once I woke up at the keyboard asking myself what I was doing.
Part of it is ADD. Part of it is... I don't know.... Oppositional? Defiant? Contrarian? Like, I just refuse to go to bed. And then in the morning I call myself "stupid."
The change since the increased medication seems to be that I don't seem to wallow so much in shame and remorse. Lately I am able to see bad decisions for what they are: bad decisions.
That at least is a relief.
Maybe if I guilt myself less, there will be less incentive to spiral out of control? I'm hopeful. I know answers don't come from a pill, but I am grateful that the pills help.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:59 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
November 21, 2004
I've Got You Under My Skin
Where the rain can't get in
But if the sweat pours out, just shout
I'll try to swim and pull you out
-The The, 1982
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:54 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
November 19, 2004
Butterflies?
I had fantasies about holding you down—face down.
And pulling your pants over the curve of your ass.
And sliding those slutty panties down just out of the way.
And finding that hot little wet pussy betraying you.
No you say?
Then why can I enter you with my fingers like this?
Tell me no.
Call me a fucker while I hold you down.
Tell me you hate it when you're moving your hips.
I hear you.
But I'm not listening.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:47 PM :: 8 Submissives [+]
Evil Friday
I like the thought of having Evil Fridays.
Warms my grinchy heart.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:15 PM :: Submit. [+]
Case in Point
I went to bed this morning at 0100 instead of 0300—and I feel outstanding in comparison.
While my optimism is guarded as I am prone to mood swings, it is a clear illustration that I need more sleep than I traditionally allow myself.
But you knew that. It's just that when I'm in lust, all other considerations go out the window. That's the hard part (ignoring my hard part).
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:48 AM :: Submit. [+]
November 18, 2004
Giving In
I quit caffeine for all of maybe 5 or 6 days this last time.
Naturally I started using it again when I stayed up all night with my cock in my hand. So I can mostly stay awake at work.
Then I have too much caffeine at work so I stay awake easily.
And go to bed when I should be getting up.
And it's a horrible cycle.
But I'm all about gratification.
The last few days I've been trying to take discrete naps at work because I get so drowsy. Yeah, that's a genius idea!
Is it any wonder I have such problems with moods and brain chemistry? how is my poor body supposed to take care of itself on 3 hours of sleep a night?
And then I think of you and I just want to play.
Or maybe there are a thousand other reasons sex pops into my head.
Then I let the waves of lust wash over me and nothing else matters.
And the cycle begins anew.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:28 PM :: 4 Submissives [+]
You Want to Hurt Me?
You would strike me? With a closed fist? With an open hand?
How would you rage if I caught your arm before you connected, and I didn't let go? Would you fight me? Do you promise?
Because then I would relish holding you down.
Fight me. I want to take you.
No, Poetess, I never forgot.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:19 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
November 17, 2004
Marketing Genius
At work today I wondered, "Why are the Comedy CDs right after the Country CDs?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:12 AM :: Submit. [+]
Helping The Book Store Clerk Help You
When the book store clerk is looking for a series of books for you, be certain to point out their the location in another store. Example: " At the other store, they were at the end of a shelf."
When the book store clerk is standing, unoccupied, at the information desk while wearing a store name tag, be sure to ask him clarifying questions. Example A: "Do you work here?" Example B: "Can you help me find a book?" Example C: "Can I ask you a question?"
When you see a book on display that you do not care for, be sure the book store clerk is aware of your displeasure by facing the merchandise upside down, or turning the cover toward the fixture.
When you have a personal agenda you would like to forward, please feel free to use merchandise you do not own and place it in prominent places in the store. Alternately, feel free to select several books on a topic and arrange them neatly on a table in the cafe. Your guerilla marketing is sure to bring joy to the lives of many and change to the world.
And finally, when the book store clerk has in good faith done what he or she can do to help you find what you came looking for, but the book store chain does not carry the item or happen to have it in stock, be sure to use your cell phone to contact a competing bookstore as a way to punish the clerk for not having what you want.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:47 AM :: Submit. [+]
November 16, 2004
Because I May Not Be Safe For Work
Movable Type has a feature by which I can email blog entries. If you want to keep up with my posts, but don't feel like it's safe for you to come to this site as often as you would like, email me and I can add you to the list.
If you need a secret special email place to have secret special email sent, I still have three Gmail invitations.
My email address is sou11355 (soulless in leetspeak) at gmail dot com.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:48 AM :: Submit. [+]
Effexor Inside
The reason my doctor upped my dosage is because I still have had obsessive episodes, and anxiety.
I've had horrible moodiness.
I've had suicidal thoughts.
So, on a med check visit like the one I was just at, I told the doctor my thoughts on how effective the drugs were for their various uses and the issues I was still having.
I didn't ask, but when he suggested it I thought it was a good idea.
It will probably take a few weeks for the drug to work up to its maximum effectiveness at its new doseage, but I will tell you that I feel dramatically different on it. Certainly less anxious and sad. Certainly much less like dying.
It pains me to think that this might be a really positive thing, because then you know I feel like I have to sustain a happy face and what if that isn't the eventual outcome?
But it's just like me to obsess endlessly.
I feel calmer, if you can believe it. And more level-headed, if ditzy and absent-minded. But I'm out of Strattera and have missed my dose the last few days.
I will have to pick up my prescription tomorrow between jobs.
Does that answer the question? More Effexor because I was still depressed. And I think getting more was a good thing.
You will see here how things unfold.
I'll keep writing. I promise.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:25 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
November 15, 2004
New! Improved!
Now with twice the Effexor!
My doctor doubled my dose Monday.
Tell me if you can see the difference.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:12 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Sore Cock
The way I like to masturbate is to bring myself to the verge of orgasm repeatedly over the course of hours.
I like to make myself as rigid as possible, with my fist grasping my shaft firmly and stroking between the base of my cock and the head, but not massaging the head much. I will keep myself right there as long as I can.
I will do this until I find a pornographic photoset or video clip that I find to be just right. Or I will do it until I run out of time.
Sometimes, the orgasms are absolutely mindblowing this way.
Other times, I get distracted by the search and stop myself from coming several times—only to wear myself out. By the time I purposefully come and ejaculate, it hurts. It's like that burn you get when you work out. I'm not saying my masturbation is a workout... but it is a marathon of sorts, I suppose.
In the meantime, I have right-clicked and saved images by the hundreds to my hard drive.
And watched videos in which little girls are used as fuck-objects while searching for the right comeshot into the right open mouth.
I did this for three and a half hours last night.
I went to bed when I should have been getting up.
And I got to work at 9:30 instead of the 8:00 that I wanted.
Oh, and did I mention the third porn site I got a subscription to?
Me decisions are not necessarily the wisest ones.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:33 AM :: 3 Submissives [+]
Cunt
You'll give it to me because that's what you want.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:15 AM [+]
November 14, 2004
Daddy's Little Girl
About a year and a half ago, I wrote a fantasy story in which the protagonist referred to himself as Daddy and in which he spoke paternally to his sexual partner in diminuative terms like "baby" or "little girl."
I got one sort of alarmed reaction about it, and at the time I was feeling more than a little paranoid so I deleted it. Gone.
I searched more than once for it as a cached Google entry, but it seems to have vanished for good. I would repost it if it ever surfaced again, but I think some things really do vanish from the 'net. At any rate, I would never try to rewrite the exact same thing. The moment is gone...
I don't fetishize teens or children. Most of the time it bothers me. But I have to admit that I have found some of the "teen" porn on the net to be erotic. I suppose that's normal. (?)
But what I find really hot is when women do a little play-acting as slutty little girls. Not innocent. Not virginal. Slutty.
Jesus.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:13 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
November 13, 2004
Cunt
Give me your cunt.
Give it.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:47 AM :: 1 Submissive [+]
November 11, 2004
You Know My Addiction
And you know how to use that against me.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 4:01 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
Brain Chemistry
I've felt a little odd for the last week or so.
First problem was letting myself run out of Depakote. I was without it for 5 days, I think. I had a lot of headaches from that. I met with my psychiatrist on Monday and he naturally prescribed more. So the levels are building up again in my blood. All of that is odd-feeling.
And secondly, I'm on a doubled dose of Effexor. That may be where the real kick in the head is coming from. It's just been wierd... I haven't felt strongly about anything.
But maybe... maybe that's good? I mean, I think the doctor figured I'm in rough water and would be in for more with the divorce. Anyway, it's only been a few days but I'm not sure that I like the way this feels. I will give it some time, though.
Because maybe it's really that I'm all wacked out because of the divorce. It's what I want, but frankly I have no plans for after, in terms of where I will live or what I will do differently. Which is not good. A man ought to have goals, right?
I'm sick and tired of feeling tepid on the inside. Tepid and timid. And tired of pain.
This divorce thing is a huge fucking head trip. My wife would like to remain friends afterword. Which is cool with me on some levels, but my heart sank when she suggested it. And it sank further when I said "OK."
...
I spent a long time at the bookstore this week working on moving books. The sections I was working in were "self-help" and "recovery." Let me state for the record that my employer incorrectly credits Hazelden as the author of the AA Big Book. Hazelden has done a lot of good work as an institution, and has even published a lot of its own material, but it did not come up with the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.
Anyway, the work sucked because the sections were so completely in disarray. Not only were there many books that should have been shelved in completely different parts of the store (lazy employees, lazy customers), but the alphabetization was completely awry. So not only was I shifting shelves of books, but then I was constantly reshifting as I discovered even more books that needed to be fit in where I had already worked. It took hours and hours.
Heh... well at least I didn't have to work with customers much.
The thing about working in a section like that is that there were many, many books that looked like they would have good things to say about the condition my condition is in. And I thought of all of the self-helkp books I have bought for the same reason. I read into them as far as it takes to get to the section where it requires real physical or emotional work and I think "Ok, that's what I'll do next." Then I close the book and promptly allow my mind wander to somethimg more immdiately gratifying. I usually buy something, eat something, or masturbate something. Often all of the above in that order.
I want to run, run away.
If I run to you, will you keep the problems at bay?
Shit.
Things are pretty fucked—in this head of mine, anyway.
I keep asking myself what I'm running from.
Today, for example, I have the day off but left the house like I went to work. I'm typing this in at the library.
And I'm not telling my wife I had the day off.
I feel guilty because I feel like I'm not supposed to want to be away, but I do. And it's not even that there's anything that so terrible for me to stay away from. Well, except for my addiction. When I 'm at home I want to be alone. And when I am alone at home I pursue one activity relentlessly.
I'm pretty sick of it, to be honest.
So, at least if I'm out and about I can pretend there are no demons to face.
But I did buy breakfast and lunch... so really I have escaped the one issue by indulging the other two.
Hmmm. I guess I lost on that one, too.
Somebody slap me and wake me up.
I need to get off this train.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:21 PM :: 3 Submissives [+]
November 6, 2004
I Give Up
I wanted to write something really profound tonight, but I don't have the mental energy after working the second job. Tomorrow will start early, too.
I only have a few fleeting random thoughts:
Collar
Fistfull of hair
Your bare skin
Wet pussy lips
Spanking
Penetration
Not necessarily in that order.
Are you?
Are you my good girl?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 12:34 AM :: 5 Submissives [+]
November 2, 2004
Lissette Ashton
Has anyone read her work?
She has a Blood Lust Chronicles series in the Erotica section where I work. Mixes vampirism with the erotica and fetish stuff, I would guess.
I'm guessing the books would be entertaining... should I invest?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:38 PM :: Submit. [+]
And Now For Something Completely Solemn
It's All Souls Day.
Pray for your dearly departed, or for those still in purgatory.
Or maybe for those without a soul at all...
;)
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:01 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Won't You Help?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:01 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
November 1, 2004
Mommy,
Why are my balls blue?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:47 PM :: Submit. [+]
Pudenda
Jesus.
Sweaty, swollen, pouty pudenda.
Tonight at work I tagged the books in the sexuality and erotica sections—so that no one takes the books into the restrooms for concealment (or... release) or out of the store without paying. Every book.
At one point my hands were shaking.
It was the caffeine, right?
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:41 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
« October 2004 | Main | December 2004 »
