If

Tigger, the girl at work with the Redmond kangaroo tattoo, was asking me questions from that damnable book called If. You know the one. With all of the hard questions.

Trust me, it was so slow at work, there was time to do this and still offer exceptional customer service.

She asked me one question which was exceptionslly difficult, because she added a little twist. The question was "If you had to spend the rest of your life on a desert island with only one platonic friend, who would you chose?" The hard part was the twist. Tigger added, "Because I don't know any of your friends, you have to choose some one who works here."

Well fuck me.

I ran through the list of likely candidates again and again, extrapolating each time. I seriously considered males and females, in the spirit of the question. Platonic. Right.

And then, because I'm paranoid, I realized that there was no right answer to the question. I began to consider the consequences of answering honestly—assuming the worst about the way people talk and the speed at which information travels.

I came to the conclusion that the best answer was no answer. Having decided this, I was free to be honest with myself and align the contestants according to the way I really felt.

Wednesday and Trixie were not seriously considered.

Tigger ranked three. Although she's annoying because of her demands for attention, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. The woman she is now is probably not at all like the woman she will become. Plus... She is more than a little voluptuous, which I can't ignore.

Second was Mary Ann. She is closer to my age, with a fair amount of life experience. Not what I would call a hottie. She usually wears jeans and a t-shirt or a sweatshirt. Easy way to disguise your figure if you don't like it. Or if you don't want it to be a focus in how people deal with you. She seems independant, but a little tight with her dad for my taste. On the other hand... Her tongue is pierced.

Tigger's tongue is pierced, too... but does she know how to use it?

First place in the imaginary run off was The Girl Who Wears Black, who shall hereinafter be referred to as Sophie. Tigger came up with that name for her. Don't know where it comes from. But I dig Sophie because she peppers her speach with French. Because her vowels sound european. Because although she is not voluptuous she has an exuberance and a sort of innocence about her which is more than a little child-like. Her emotional state is very easily read from the way she carries herself. Plus, again, she's very close to my age and somehow that is familiar and sexy, too.

Tigger tried and tried to weasel it out of me. To all of her questions, I would only reply "I'm not going to answer." I did reveal to her that I had decided who it would be. She had thought I was trying to cop out of deciding. This was not the case. It was hard to meet each of her new attack questions with the same response. But it was fun. I answered with a gleam in my eye.

I decided that was the best possible answer, and I hope it made her frustrated.

Now—for you my sweet and beautiful reader, I need you to know that none of these women necessarily represent any ideals of femininity for me. It was a very artificial circumstance and a very artificial selection pool.

I have said it before and I will say it again a thousand times: If I spend time with nearly any woman, no matter her race or age, I will find something about her that stirs desire in me. Femininity is wondrous and powerful. I can't say no to any of it.