Black As My Soul: It Is What It Is

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March 5, 2005

It Is What It Is

I almost bought into it again.

I was looking at the Psychology section in the bookstore. I pulled several books from the shelf, alternately. Titles on Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and Depression.

All of them offered strategies for coping and for repairing emotional damage. It's very attractive.

But at the same time I'm quite torn.

Acceptance seems to me to go a lot farther than any talk therapy. Well, except for my second therapist—who talked to me a lot more about acceptance. Or at least he was the first one who got through to me that way.

I'm so confused. There is so much information and so little of it has been beneficial…

I just don't want to be a victim. I want to have a better understanding of how my body works and how it affects my moods and interactions with others. I want to understand it so I don't use it as a way to beat myself up for moral shortcomings. Thats what I want.

I dont want to be a victim of anything or anyone, least of all myself. What I want is to empower myself to live as best I can, making the most of all of my abilities and being at peace with myself.

This is the first time I have been able to see that so clearly.

And also I have decided to keep the meds right where they're at. There is plenty going on in my life now. I really would not be well served by adding more internal drama.

[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (March 5, 2005 2:26 AM) by revealing evil. [+]