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April 12, 2005
I've Thought About This a Lot
I'm no longer referring to myself as a sex addict.
Sure—I'll buy that I used sexual behavior as a way to self medicate, and I'll even buy that I withdrew from my wife in ways destructive to my marriage.
But I refuse to believe that I should go around calling myself a victim and invoking the name of All-That-Is. If there is a divine plan for me, I doubt it involves me saying "I am out of control and powerless. Take this from me because I'm not strong enough to be responsible for it."
I did not feel empowered by attending 12-step meetings. I felt guilt and the desire to please both my sponsor and long-time members of the group. What I resented most was the extraordinary pressure I felt to be a Christian. They say you don't have to believe in a higher power, per se, just in the power of the group—but then the meetings I attended (for about 9 months) all ended with the Lord's Prayer.
I think what is healthy about the group is that I learned I was hardly alone and hardly unusual in the way my brain and my body react to lust. It was healthy talking about lust in ways that were largely non-judging. This was refreshing, since I had been so harshly judgemental toward myself.
In the end, though, I decided to leave the group. I made a sudden break with no explanation. I do not ever intend to return to 12-step therapy.
I have no clue what it means to surrender to God. In my view, any god or goddess worth worshiping doesn't want me flying the white flag. I believe life is about living and learning and not about repressing.
I know there are a thousand points of view, but I say again: I am not an addict.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (April 12, 2005 10:49 PM) by revealing evil. [+]
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Well look at how smart you are. I say that is a sign of healing that you are looking inside yourself and trusting your instincts as to what is right for you. Sex Addict sex schmaddict. If 12 steps were so great they would not have to lean on that whole "higher power" thing to help people. I'll say it with you...you are not a sex addict and you never were.
;) Thanks!