The Blow Pop girl visited my counter again at the convenience store. Her cleavage is very distracting. And so was the Blow Pop. Jesus.
There was another woman today with amazing pushed up breasts. She didn’t need the amplification at all! I found myself trying to imagine what they would look like while she was on all-fours.
You girls do this on purpose. Damn you.
And thank you.
I have always treasured the few glimpses you have gifted me with. I always want for more.
You know that.
+++
Your words are full of pain.
Part of me wants to take it from you. To take you to a place where it can't reach you, even if only temporarily…
I don't know you that way at all.
But I wonder how your hair would feel in my fist. If your eyes would open wide. If that would reach you.
Would you feel it?
Would you feel the pain for me?
Because pain can be a beautiful friend—but you have to feel it.
Will you?
+++
BlackBook Magazine No 39, Summer 2005, Page 112. Photograph like some you’ve taken.
Master!
You are 59% Dominant and 28% Submissive!
That below is your playroom. You know how to command attention… and another. You know all there is to know about 'teaching.' You got a Ph.D. in pain. If your score is high enough I bet you're a sadist! Anyway, I'd better get out of your way…. Master.
My test tracked 2 variables: How you compared to other people of your age and gender:
You scored higher than 57% on Dominant.
You scored higher than 53% on Submissive.
Link: The Master or Slave? Test written by undue_influence on Ok Cupid
So I'm checking out my stats (as I am often wont to do), and I find that I am now linked to via Erogs.
In itself, it's a cool thing that my site was submitted. And apparently there is some sort of ranking system in which I'm not doing so badly.
But I have issues with two things. One is that I don't know what the ranking means. I can't find a link to more information. And two is that I sure hope most people think better of this place than "Someones adult rantings."
Jesus.
And I can't find a way to fix it. :(
Oh, yes… And I'm 37 today.
THIS JUST IN:
A lovely fellow from Erogs.com wrote to me to explain that the ranking system is actually a Google product, specifically Page Rank. That part is cool as hell, then! Now if only I could update the way I'm listed… or have input?
AND ALSO:
I got a second email from Erogs.com offering to change my listing for me. I accepted, asking to be known as A Den of Iniquity.
Am I high maintenance? I prefer to think not…
If Remittance Girl is not on your regular list of reads, I cannot recommend her words strongly enough.
"Has it started?"
"Yes…"
I live less than a mile from where I lived as a married man.
When I encourage myself enough, I get out of the apartment and walk. Managed to get that done tonight, which I feel good about.
So far I've always worn my iPod. Sometimes the music helps. Sometimes it's just there.
Tonight I cried. Certainly not the first time it has happened under similar circumstances, but still.
My old house.
The lilacs in front of it are finally getting big enough to form the screen they were supposed to. The trees I planted are much larger. And the lights in the yard the I dug in are still there and well kept.
And I saw descendants of the rabbit family I used to love to watch.
And I miss them.
So silly me. I cried. And I am again thinking about it.
I want to leave here. It hurts to stay.
A former co-worker is visiting from Virginia next week. She still works for the same company I was laid off from all those years ago.
I spoke to her briefly in chat a week ago. She as much as offered me a bedroom in her basement.
I have to say that's awfully tempting. We're going to try to get together this week.
Because here's the thing: Other than my rent and utilities, I don't have anything I owe on. I paid off my car last week.
I want a new computer, but I sure don't need one.
So I'm sorta thinking that I might just start moving around for a while.
I don't have to impress anyone and at this point in my life I feel like I have nothing to lose.
So I have always wanted to go to New Orleans. I have wanted to go to DC. And NYC. And SF.
I'm trying to figure out how to simplify, simplify, simplify.
I do keep a lot of elaborate electronics in this little nest. I guess don't need to much, really. Just the knowledge that I can back up all of my music and email safely. And ideally a way to back up my blog should the worst happen and I wouldn't be able to finance it for a stretch of time.
There's going to have to be some forethought involved, but I feel like some big change is due.
The lyrics are perfect.
It was like a lightning bolt from the blue.
Of course!
I added Want by Recoil to the Black + Red mix
I'd like to give a shout out to Dirty Whore, who introduced me to that excellent track a few years ago.
It, um, fit right in.
The Black + Red compilation on my iPod is currently as follows:
Noticeably (and sadly) missing are the Moev and 101 tracks that are on the cassette I dubbed circa 1992.
101 came either from a collection of Acid House singles that are on a record I have yet to digitize, or I got them originally from my (then) gay–upstairs–neighbor who might have had a CD from the This Is The New Beat series. Which I cannot find anywhere. Yet.
The Moev tracks also have yet to be digitized. I might buy a used CD. It's too bad I can't buy an MP3 online. Because I would. I want them so bad I would pay double what iTunes charges. Do you hear that, Nettwerk? Hello?
Anyway. Sorry I keep talking about that mix. I love it deeply and I keep listening to it.
It's oddly a very reasurring and resonant place for me.
I'm going to burn a new disc with the new track order.
If you want a copy, I'll burn one for you.
The price will be three nude photographs of your person in my gmail.com email box. My ID there is sou11355.
Give me a snail mail address and three images of you.
No real names are necessary in this exchange.
And just to clarify:
The images would be for my eyes only, unless you state otherwise.
It doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you.
…
I have been working at one job or another every day since Saturday, and will have to keep working through this coming Saturday.
And yep—If you go to the bookstore I work at, I will be on hand in the early morning hours of July 16th. So you can get your copy of the book you reserved six months ago. Yes, I do mean the next Harry Potter title.
No, we don't get to read it early.
Yep, it's already in our back room.
No, you can't get yours before 12:01 am. Do not bother asking. I don't care who died/is dying/is giving birth/who you are. Release dates and times are contractual. The repercussions are economic. If we violate the release date, the entire chain could lose the ability to carry the next Harry Potter book until several weeks after it is released. Thati s a potential loss of millions of dollars. We're not going to risk it for you. It's simple.
Don't get impatient with us. We're working way outside normal store hours. We don't want to be there any more (or less) than you, but we'll be there for hours after you leave.
Please wait your turn in line. And have your cash or plastic ready. Please do not write a check. Please, God. They take forever to authorize. Please stop writing checks at retail.
Also? Don't complain about the prices. It's a special event. The Harry Potter stuff of course will not be cheap because the teaming masses of kids will beg for it. No one at the store gets to set prices. The most effective form of protest is to simply leave it in the store. Yep, your kids will not like you for a few minutes. They'll forget in a day or two.
I'd like to be happier about the whole thing, but it's a job.
We have the good fortune of having an item on hand that a lot of people want to buy at the same time. We have some special things in place and there will be freebies for a few lucky folks.
That's really all I know until I get to work tomorrow.
Maybe I'll see you there?
I'll wink.
You're altogether too encouraging.
I know… If you read Boing Boing, you already knew about this days ago—but I thought it was cool enough to share here:
GET OFF
THE FUCKING
PHONE
YOU
RUDE
FUCKS!
Ahem.
What can I do for you today?
OMG!
Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there!
You might need to create an ID for the site. I dunno. But I have never laughed harder in my life because of the absolute frankness.
No, I'm not looking.
But sometimes window shopping is fun. You know?
Jobs.
Yes, I'm working.
I have two… part–time jobs. One at a book store, the other at a 'convenience store.' A gas station, if you will.
I am battling with myself as to what I want to do next.
I have wanderlust bad.
With the part time work, in theory I could just pick that up almost any old place.
There are more IT openings in these parts… stuff I could get hired for.
What I want to avoid more than any–fucking–thing, though, is repetition and feeling trapped by the time clock.
And I feel the trap. Ungrateful fuckers will fire you for being 3 minutes late even when you bail them out time and time again by working extra shifts or staying late.
I don't want to give anyone that satisfaction anymore. You don't get that power over me.
I've thought about going to school for programming again. The reason I loved computers to begin with! And also why I quit: because Captain Distraction hated working with main–frames.
But todays PC development environments seem like a return to the glory days of on–the–fly compiling on the Apple ][.
And I have also thought about obtaining a less useful but entertaining degree in language, or in religious studies.
I was a student of French, a long time ago. I realized a few days ago when I wanted to speak to a friend that I couldn't remember which verb tense to use any more to say what I meant. It really has been too long.
And I have been an arm–chair student of mythology for a long, long time. I've read some of Joseph Campbell and his unified–field theory.
What I really like is the enmeshment (Is that a word?) of archeology and mythology. I think it has more to say about who we are (homo sapiens sapiens) as a race than many are willing to admit.
Or maybe somehow I could get in somewhere where the work of Terrence McKenna or Timothy Leary is being forwarded.
Just… Please, God, stop using time as a weapon against me! It's my Kryptonite. I will always lose that battle.
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