September 2005 Archives

I took a long walk tonight. Longer than I have in a long time. I think I walked about 9 miles, but I haven't clocked it yet so I don't know for sure. At any rate, it felt good because I made it to a T in the road, which had been my aim the last several times I've walked… so one personal goal met.

Why is it that no shoes or clothes really seem suited to this? I wore shoes that I feel comfortable standing in at work for 10 hours at a time, yet I am going to blister on the balls of my feet.

And also? All underwear and pants chafe. I hate this. I've tried boxers, briefs and commando. If it's not the underwear then it's the shorts or pants. Ow, God damn it!

So I suppose I have to spend a ridiculous amount on walking shoes or something. Yuck. But what to do about the other chafing? I can't win.

Did I mention sometimes the hair on my inner thighs will get all twisted together in tight knots?

All for the love of walking.

You wouldn't think it would be so hard.

But physical complaints aside, it was actually a very lovely night.

I imagined I felt the gentle insistance of the warm and moist summer air like the kiss of a lover who wants you to come one more time.

And the cool kiss of winter air, inviting sleep, rest and death…

You see, the leaves are turning here. Ever so slightly where I live, but it won't be long at all before the branches will be bare.

We haven't had frost yet, but that's not long away either. We've already had nights where the temperature has been 38.

I am a summer boy, born in the heart of July, so it is always with sadness that I see summer leave. But it brings the crispness of autumn. The dry air and dead leaves… and Halloween. Only one month away.

I walked around a dead rabbit. Looking for all the world like he died wide-eyed in mid leap.

The buddhists say that sadness and loss comes from the expectation that everything will stay the same. Because everything is temporary.

In my head I know this, but my heart still hurts when summer is done.

And so, even though I would probably feel sad anyway, tonight I mourn Summer.

I applied for a technical support position with a consulting company.

What is remarkable to me is the amount of anxiety produced by such an act. It was excruciating to get the energy to simply modify an existing cover letter.

I ended up with something that I think is more enthusiatic than I had previous to that, but damn.

Well here goes nothing.

I do have excellent people skills where tech suport is concerned, and I have always been well-liked. I just have to rein in my tendencies to web surf and I have to work on my timeliness. If I can successfully manage my low motivation and endless search for distractions, then I can do a good job.

But now I have to go to bed.

I'm going to be overly tired for work at the book store. I hope to God I'm not late again.

I just watched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and I loved the anachronistic accusation that saucy daguerreotypes might be held against you.

Speaking of which: I've obtained a vintage view-master viewer recently. Not one of the plastic ones, but one made of metal and coated wich a shiny black enamel. What I want to find for it are… not reels that you would let your children see. Stag reels or gentlemen's entertainment, if you will.

I have been made aware, however, that there are still working cameras of the type used to produce viewmaster reels available on eBay. They use 35mm film which itself is becoming something of an anachronism as we speak.

Which leads me to think about creating my own sauciness.

And wondering if there would be a market for such things.

And while we're evoking another era, I'm in the market for a hookah.

:: waiting for The Diamond Age ::

I got power back after two dark, dark nights and two cold, cold showers.

Pardon me in this moment of electrified zen while I turn on every switch in my apartment and masturbate.

You're my good girl, aren't you?

I need you to find a place to take off your panties.

Then give them to me.

We will talk later about if you get them back.

I was sitting eating a sandwich during a break at the convenience store…

And I began to fantasize about forcing myself on you, ignoring your pleas and ignoring you when you say "No."

Squeezing your nipples and watching them become hard, then playing with them all the more.

And finding you hot and wet.

And taking you.

I'm having trouble again.

I don't want to be on anti-depressants again, but I think maybe I need to find a way.

I'm getting really tired of feeling like there's just the one solution.

And I'm really getting tired of feeling like a hopeless case.

And the mood swings are *really* challenging to deal with.

I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I've been thinking a lot about making you come hard.

I was invited last minute to a wedding reception.

I really, really wanted to use my powers for evil tonight. There was fruit, ripe for the plucking.

But I chose not to create a scene…

Sometimes knowing that you can do a thing is reward enough.

[Evil laughter]