December 2005 Archives

Happy New Year, My Love!

I brought my laptop to the bookstore today:

• Because all of my email is on my laptop.


• Because I can't post from the web browser on my PDA.


• Because reading filth in the presence of impressionable youth is amusing.

Santa Claus Is Back In Town!

But they got me.

74 in a 60.

:: sigh ::

I usually cruise at 69.

Guess I was feeling cocky?

They don't link to it, but fortunately the site template they use advertises an Atom-based feed. I can finally keep up with their blog!

Yep. I admit it fully. I am "feed" addicted.

They like WordPress, but I don't like WordPress RSS.

Correction:

NewsGator hates WordPress. Fuck it.

So if you're linking to me from a site that's password protected, does that mean you don't want me to know what you're saying about me? ;)

It's perfume, you mother fuckers!

It's fucking perfume.

I got your fucking "spray" right here.

Man fragrance. Yeah, that's attractive.

Idiots.

Can anyone confirm or deny that Violet Blue is doing a show in Minneapolis tonight (Dec 17, 2005)? A coworker of mine claims she was with Miss Blue last night, and learned about some sort of very exclusive (possibly members-only or invitation-only) event.

Just wondering if this coworker is indeed on the up-and-up, you know?

Today while scavenging the 'Net for porn I haven't already seen and listening to iTunes shuffle through my MP3s, my body decided it was time to come when I saw video of someone coming all over the face of a little asian girl with braces. My iTunes soundtrack was Living Dead Girl. Hmmm. Here's the link if you want to see, too. (So *not* safe for work!)

Then iTunes played Sour Times by Portishead, followed by People are Still Having Sex by LaTour.

What a world…

Nothing in the world,

More than my cock in your pussy.

I dunno.

I'm still down on myself about the whole masturbation thing.

I want sex to be celebratory, but I still have guilt surrounding masturbation and porn, and that drags everything down.

It probably seems like I go in circles about this sort of thing. Sometimes I feel enlightened, and when I don't, I forget what the good felt like.

I'm just…

You know, I'm 37 now.

My erections aren't what they were. While I'm still capable of very hard erections, those seem more fleeting and less common now. That in turn gives my reservations about even attempting penetration anymore. Because I hate flopping out. And fuck do I hate losing erections.

So in a lot of respects, I am doomed before I start.

I know I should… Well, I feel like people will tell me to be more zen about this and accepting of change. That I should modify my ideas about what sexuality means at my age.

Jesus. One of my gay friends even told me he would let my try on of his Viagra pills if I wanted.

I have to say, I'm tempted. But I also think… "Fuck, all I need is another crutch."

What a drag it is, getting old.

This morning I was blessed with a particularly excellent orgasm.

Or maybe what was unique was that I really chose to pay attention to how orgasm affected me.

My brief analysis of the sensations was that it was a lot like being high. More like the feelings of well-being I experienced on mushrooms than, say, being drunk.

But orgasm is a pretty fucking stupendous thing. I wish I had something more intelligent to say about it than that. It's just that, for a change, I paid attention and gave myself permission to really feel.

I'm glad I noticed.

In light of that, it's somewhat clear to me that I might have chosen masturbation and porn as an escape.

I have tremendous anxiety and a brain that doesn't stop firing random thoughts at me.

And sex… well, orgasm, really… turns down the volume on that for a brief while.

I'm over-analyzing as always.

Yeah, I'm at it again.

The two mornings in a row I was 30 minutes late to my job at the bookstore.

Both mornings I got up with plenty of time to shower and get to work.

What I didn't allow for was that I first came into my office to surf the web and look at porn.

Both mornings I masturbated.

:: sigh ::

What am I thinking? What's going on?

Monday night found me at First Avenue with a few excellent friends to see Reverend Horton Heat. The tickets for the show listed Supersuckers as the first act, with an opening act TBA.

Fortunately there was no opening act. Unfortunately, Supersuckers started their set 35 minutes late.

But this was cool, in the end. First Avenue has a big screen that hangs in front of the stage, two plasma monitors on either side of the stage, and I think one or two more traditional TV-like monitors in addition. These were playing Bullitt, and Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! Which completely rocked. I'll admit I had never seen a Russ Meyer film before. Having seen this (video only, the dialog was eschewed in favor of First Ave's usual eclectic mix—which created fun juxtapositions of its own) I have gone and ordered the DVD through the bookstore. It's so gratuitous and campy I just can't believe it.

Supersuckers are clearly a good-time bad-boy party band. They played covers and their own stuff. They're something of a fusion between country, 70s rock, and punk. Their sound dovetailed well with Reverend Horton Heats as similar, but so not the same. The bass of the singer was passed to the other three members of the band, who all played the same riff on it. It was even passed to the drummer, who struck the strings with one stick and kept the beat going with his other limbs. The drummer for the night was in fact Horton Heat's drummer—and Supersuckers said they were looking for a permanent drummer should one be willing to relocate to Seattle.

The Reverend's set was completely awesome, as always. They played stand-bys like Galaxie 500 (I *love* Galaxy 500!), Loco Gringos Like to Party, Psycho-Billy Freak Out and all the ones you would expect to hear. All so good. They protested vehemently that they don't have a set list. Reverend even claimed that if you had a printed set list from one of their shows, which they had been advised by management to do at some point, it was wrong. They always deviated. Apparently some jack ass posted on their web site that their set list hadn't changed in 10 years. People are so stupid and misguided. At this point they opened the set up to requests from the audience. Naturally The Jimbo Song came up. This is not to be confused with The Sermon on the Jimbo, which I have never heard live, but which you really need to hear.

Reverend Horton Heat also have a Christmas album, from which they played Greensleeves, Jingle Bells… and a third I can't recall. But they rock and fuck if I'm not going to have to buy that album, too.

Everything was cool except for the idiots playing My First Mosh Pit. I stood at the edge of it, not wanting to give my ground to the mayhem, but the cost was getting knocked off-balance repeatedly and the occasional drink spill. Not mine, but on me nonetheless. I laughed at the idiots who knowingly stepped into the fray with beers. The amazing and fearless bouncer to my right took plenty of hits and just shoved the kids back into the mess, keeping them contained.

All in all it was a blast. And that's why I love Reverend Horton Heat and First Avenue.

I mentioned a book called "Once Upon a Princess" in an earlier post.

Right now we're featuring a book called "Vegetable Love"

Have I mentioned I'm a visual thinker?

At the bookstore I work at, there is an event organized by the mall office and held weekly.

Yeah, the children come in to listen to one of us read short stories, have cookies and milk, and visit Santa. It starts at 7pm.

But they called it "Bedtime with Santa."

I was thinking to myself today that I have a ton of books to read (including plenty of gentlemen's stag titles), and there are a lot of CDs I've purchased recently that I don't really know much about.

Then I realized that my time seems to go where my cock goes.

Which is to say I love sex and teh pron.

Dammit, if you're going to pass along a fake inkjet-printed version of a traveler's check, could you at least cut off the lines that show the edge of the check you scanned?

Also? The "Michigan Driver License" needs to look more authentic.

Just so you know.

I'm pretty sure she does what ever she wants!

I just got back from seeing Aeon Flux. I was told that it was true to the animated series, though it couldn't be as in depth in 90 minutes so much story was not told.

I liked the story. I like that it works on multiple levels, as does the cinematography. It was artfully done.

In some cases, I thought the artfulness was intrusive—which is to say I noticed it and it took me out of the movie.

The other issue I had was that I got strong gaydar from the male lead, and that made part of the storyline hard to swallow. (heh) This is not to say that the acting didn't rise above the terse dialog. I did care about the characters and found parts of the movie to be quite moving.

Without knowing much about the original animated series, I felt the movie told a single story well and gave it some closure without necessarily closing the door on future tales.

I would rate the film a "B" or "B-." It was more profound than I expected, which is good.

That being said, a collection of DVDs comprising the entire animated series and the shorts from Liquid Television is available. I suspect I'll pick it up before long.

I know it's because I had beer with a friend last night.

Every time it's the same. I get down and I blame myself.

This time, it's for the relationships I've had that didn't last.

I'm sorry I'm not more in the moment. I live so much of my life in the past and in regret.

Well, I got a bunch of extra hours added to my schedule in the next two weeks.

In the café.

So next Monday, I get my first café training ever. Then Thursday I'm responsible for opening the café myself.

I'm grateful for the hours and everything… I was just hoping to never work in food service again. You know?

I was interviewed today by a government contractor. He is in the process of doing a background check on an excellent friend of mine.

I was honest, because I don't think I lie very well. And also, not knowing what ther interviewer already knew, I thought it could look bad if I appeared to be at all hesitant or anything less than forthcoming.

But I admitted to the fellow that my friend has been on medications, and that my friend had smoked marijuana. I didn't offer that I had smoked with him. Just that I knew he had smoked in the past, that specifically I could recall only 4 instances.

But I'm just torn up about it. My friend has more integrity than anyone I know. I would trust him with my life any time. He's such a good man! I tried to tell the interviewer this any way that I could.

I don't know. I just hope I didn't fuck it up for him.

I spent a few hours last night out walking in the snow.

I bundled up in coolmax and fleece and even donned a goofy cap. I'm guessing I walked 4 or 6 miles. All on sidewalks—there are some nice parks close by but they're technically closed after dark.

But it was fun to walk in the fresh powder after midnight. Most of the world was still and asleep. Most of the Christmas lights were turned off save for those few spirited folks whose sense of festivity doesn't end at 10 pm.

When snow falls, the world sounds different. There's a strange sort of hush and the snow in the air gives the world a sort of soft focus.

I do love warmer climes, and the tropical ocean. But I don't know that I could ever give up four such wonderfully distinct seasons.

Let it snow.