March 2006 Archives

Yesterday a guy I work with at the book store was in the Manga section alphabetizing. He motioned me closer and told me he'd been in a porn shop recently where he'd noticed the large amount of Japanese animated films. Hentai and tentacle sex and the like. He was like WTF? Why would you watch that if you could see the real thing?

I told him I thought it was a cultural thing. Most erotic video and photography in Japan is either clothed or at most in lingerie or swimwear. There doesn't seem to be much representational porn at all. I suspect it would have to do with the prevailing mores and attitudes about what is disgraceful. Whereas with the animation, fantasy can run free and you can show the naughty bits since they're not real naughty bits and no real humans face the repercussions of actual sexuality. That's my theory, anyway.

But the he asked me why that would be something that Americans would want to watch, since we do watch the real thing. My glib response was that we're still pretty repressed and we'll take it any way we can get it.

Later that night, I had a customer ask me specifically about dominance and submission books, but not erotica. I gave her what I thought were two excellent options. The first was Warren's often recommended The Loving Dominant, and the more advanced reading I suggested was Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook.

It was just cool to be able to answer some things I felt confident about. And I gave honest answers I felt good about.

I was just at my favorite porn site looking at a layout of Victoria Zdrok. She was wearing fetish heels, vinyl "stockings" and her smile.

Part of what really turned me on was the fur she was laying on. It's not so much fur that is the turn on, I think. Rather the contrast between the fur and the bare skin.

And I think it reminds me of the raw nature of sexuality.

And Victoria is hot, too.

And I like heels and stuff.

You know that line in the J Geils Band song "Centerfold" that goes "…Those soft, fuzzy sweaters too magical to touch…?"

Yeah. That works for me. Fuzzy. Furry. Gauzy. Contrasted next to skin? That is what heaven is made of.

I'm just sayin'.

Get yer filthy minds out of the gutter! ;)

But seriously, at the book store today, we had a troop of 5th-grade girls tour the store. I was designated as the one responsible for them. The folks who usually do such things were conveniently on vacation.

So, yeah, pretty much they were disinterested in much to do with how the store works, but very eager about the merchandise, especially the listening stations in the music section, and the magazines.

It wasn't until the end of the tour when I asked if there were any more questions that they started getting personal.

"What are is you favorite kind of book?"

I like science fiction, and conspiracy theory and speculative archeology…

"What kind of music do you listen too?"

Um, I listen to a lot of music, but I prefer electronica… dance music..

"Do you play an instrument?"

Not yet. I have an electric bass, but I'm not very good…

"Can we see how you dance to electronica?"

…

Heh heh… I wanted to tell them that would cost money….

One of the most shocking things I have learned about BDSM is how emotionally powerful it is. You really can't do things on a whim.

I had my cock bound beautifully with 12 feet of rope on an afternoon not so long ago. I was amazed at how vulnerable I felt. I don't know very well how to describe the transition.

It was my idea. We had the rope and a little spare time. I thought it would be fun. The experience was cool, watching her tie the rope, listening to her describe what she was trying to accomplish. In the end, the rope secured my testicles tightly. The entire length of my erect shaft was encircled by tightly twisted rope. The ends of the rope were tucked just so and it was quite the work of art. We took pictures.

As arousing as it was, I couldn't come. I was scared. I don't know of what, but it felt very primal and pure. And I couldn't shake the feeling that I was disappointing her by failing to ejaculate.

When the rope came off of my cock, I examined the marks and patterns left behind. But relief was not instant. It did not come until I was held tightly, like a child, and reassured. I didn't expect to crave being held like that. I asked to be held.

I have new respect for what a bottom or sub might experience during a scene. More importantly, I have new respect for my responsibility when I am dominant. This is not something to be rushed along or hurried through. A scene has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And the emotional state of the submissive has to be monitored closely.

I'm sure this is simplistic, especially for people who have long practiced these arts. But I am trying very hard to learn well because BDSM is very new to me. I did not know how profound this would be.

My username is still to keep me secret, even though more and more people in my life know both my username and my given name.

The reasons for keeping my code-name are different now, but it has become a comfortable cloak in which to travel the night. It has granted passage to places I could never otherwise have gone.

It allowed me to meet you.

And I am grateful.

Neither of the two companies I've interviewed with have spoken to me in a week.

Do I suck that much?

I was reading over at Slipshod Petticoats today a post about "lingerie-flashing photo-ops." She thought maybe one place to do this would be from within a church, yet had second thoughts about it being "too done."

First of all, I think if it's a turn-on for her, she should try it, and soon. And post the pictures.

This of course launched me into a bit of a reverie. Apparently one of the porn scenarios that gets me really hot are slutty, x-rated nuns. True. Fetish nuns are also hot. Fetish nurses can be hot, but I totally do not have a medical fetish. Eww.

There is a pierced little girl at Suicide Girls named "Al" who did a really, really hot photoset a while ago called "Habit." Holy fuck did that get me off! The juxtaposition of the sacred and the profane? The cunt and the cross? I… I don't know. But I have so masturbated to that set a lot of times.

But I digress… I also totally dig black lace lingerie and heels. Totally a cliché.

But it gets me so hard.

All I'm saying is, if it feels good, do it.

Then send me pics.

I do evil.

Evil works through me.

All is one.

Won't you join me on the left-hand path?

…

I won't pretend to know what all of that means—exactly.

What I do know is that for a boy who is typically reserved and introspective, I refuse to believe that my path to enlightenment is through coloring inside the lines, through denial of all of my urges…

Blah, blah, blah…

I think I've said this all before about 30 times. I'm sounding like a broken record.

I've got a lot of anger inside me for all of the ways I've felt unfairly limited in my life. I've blamed religion for plenty, fairly or not. No more or less than I have blamed parents and my former spouse.

There is just something inside that needs to come out. I don't know what it is or how to get to it.

Sex. Sexuality. Eroticism. Subtle or blatant. I love it. I seek it. I need it.

Whatever form of expression I settle on, whatever form of mysticism I embrace, will include and celebrate this. That will be how I worship.

That's all I know today.

Yep, I watched Idol.

Simon wasn't nearly cruel enough, frankly.

Holy crap are we getting dumped on!

I tried shoveling my driveway for about an hour this morning… but quit because I couldn't keep up. The system is supposed to break this afternoon and I might try again, then.

I'm supposed to be at work at noon. I don't really think it's safe to make that drive at all.

Wow, man. We're nothing in the face of nature.

Oh, who am I kidding? My thoughts don't change that much, really.

However, on the eve of a bit of a snow storm here in sunny Minnesota, I spied my first mini-skort of the season.

It was white, which is gauche this side of Memorial Day, but oh-so-short. So all is forgiven.

I have had two interviews this week.

One for a full time tech support position. I had a second interview with the CEO who says he's the final say. He was cool with me, so I'm hopeful of an offer tomorrow or Monday.

The second interview was via email and it's for a review web site. I didn't get feedback on the sample review, per se… but there were follow-up questions so I think I'm still in the running.

The first will make a big difference to my financial stability. The second will combine what I do in my spare time and could pay off in spades at some point in the future.

Not knowing my fate is making me tense. And this cold basement is making me cold.

Wish me luck!

I've been wanting to do that for years. My old TypePad site was set up that way…

So now in addition to reporting when I sinned, it reports how. Which cleverly is the link to the category archive.

So does it make sense now why I named my archive categories the way I did? ;)

I'm such a dork.

I spread her petals gently.

At first.

I'm trying to keep up with the comment spam. I'm sorry so much got through before I could delete it.

As always: if you would like to advertise on my site, you must ask for my permission.

Unless it becomes unmanageable, I will keep comments open. I do have steps in place to reduce comment spam, but it looks like I will need to take additional steps.

Does anyone have advice for a good MovableType plugin? Or ways to alter my comment templates to make them less useful to script kiddies?