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October 1, 2006
Thinking About How I Used to Write
Listen, I know I don't really write the pr0n like I used to.
The reason is not so much that I'm not interested in doing it any more, because I think about it frequently.
The main reason is that my lifestyle is a lot different now than it was three or four years ago when I was doing it most actively.
The primary difference is that I'm not spending 4 to 6 hours a night in front of my computer with my cock in my hand. By the way, that's a really excellent way to wreck a marriage. Or if you're there, the marriage is pretty wrecked. Either way.
At any rate, I was pretty emotionally and intellectually involved with what I was writing and that took a lot of time and energy I can't devote quite the same way now. I honestly have angst about that sometimes—that I developed an audience for a certain style of writing and that I haven't delivered in a long time.
On the other hand…
The writing here has put me in a place where I have more sexual integrity than I used to have. Does that seem weird to say? I am moving gently, as is my style, into BDSM. It has been and still remains an amazing journey. What is most amazing to me is peeling back the layers of artificial Nice-Guy crap I've built up from childhood. The shouldn'ts and the shame I have subjected myself to lo these many years.
It's one thing to look at hardcore porn and fantasize. It's entirely another to have a partner with whom I can do those things. Who desires me in that way. Who likes porn as much as I do. I really don't have words to express how satisfying and reassuring that has been for me.
I feel like I have been living more.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (October 1, 2006 4:10 PM) by revealing evil. [+]
4 Comments
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I have been a semi-silent lurker at your blog for a few years, lingering for each new word of deliriously lyrical conent. I loved your poetry, your verse, your prose.
But now more than that I am more delighted by the new turn of events in your life. I can't tell you how happy I am for you, and I'd rather have this from you than anything else.
Thank you for saying so!
It means a lot to me that you have continued reading for so long!
Babyboy, no one can blame you for not writing right now. We all want you to be happy and if that means less writing then so be it. We'll wait for you to get motivated again! Maybe even help you get that way. ;-D
Aw! You're so sweet!
You all do deserve a good story, though.