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November 30, 2006
Until My Puzzler Was Sore
I have been thinking a lot about the nature of my writing here.
A. Lot.
This place has been such a refuge at times. It has been a lover and a confidant.
I think about the huge amounts of time I have spent here and wonder sometimes if it's for naught.
It makes some sense if I do it out of a sense of community, camaraderie, or friendship. Are you my friends and my comrades? Are you lovers and confidants?
Or… As I fear greatly from the work I have been doing proofing and categorizing old posts… Am I a spectacle and you're waiting for the crash-and-burn?
I have to admit I am of a split disposition where Black As My Soul is concerned.
One train of thought is that it's complete. I can't make it any more of what it was to me when I began. I don't hate myself like I did when I began, so I am less comfortable calling myself "Soulless," You know?
Another train of thought is to do nothing. Keep the site alive. Don't say anything unless you can say something nice. And when I'm ready to write again I can pick up where I left off.
I love this place. Although sometimes I feel I have outgrown it, it is still very comfortable like an old favorite blanket that I can pull around myself for comfort when I need it.
And finally, what if it's a really good tool to continually urge my personal development forward? What if I need it to keep some amount of creativity and expression in my life?
You see, I don't have any answers to these questions yet.
Just a few days ago I thought to myself, "I'm never writing here again. Just let it fade away."
But I can't let go.
I read a lot of things online that really make me think and feel.
I realize that I have not been an excellent friend to those who have written to me here. I have done a terrible job of maintaining contact. I have terrible guilt about that. I have tried in some cases to communicate… but I fear the moment is gone. What *was* is not what *is.* People have moved along and circumstances have changed.
Suffice it to say, I miss you.
I hope you are well.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (November 30, 2006 8:29 AM) by thinking evil. [+]
8 Comments
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I hope you do continue to write here. I've been reading for a long while, even though I don't comment. And it's not because I'm waiting for the "crash-and-burn".
Well, I won't promise that I won't have the occasional close call... ;)
But thank you!
Soulless, isn't the whole blogging experiance about developing and growing and selfdiscovery?
Or was that something else that I saw on Dr. Phil's show?
You won't crash'n'burn, and if you pause and step away, don't feel guilty about it.
sometimes we just outgrow our wings.
also... I tagged you.
I know, I'm so mature. You'll have to see my blog for the details.
OK, you Filthy, Rotten Angel. I'll play!
And thanks for your thoughts.
i think at this point there are some of us who are always going to be here for You whether You are here or not. We have been through the ups and downs and feel like lovers, confidants, and friends. i only wish You to be happy with Yourself and Your endeavors. If that means pushing this site to the backburner, then so be it. Know that when You come back i, as well as the majority of us i'm sure, will be waiting with bated breath. Blessed Be my Prince. ;-D
write almost whatever you want whenever you want. I'll be back.
Thank you, JeN. Thank you, 'kitty.
It feels good to know that I'm not just shouting into the wind.
Thank you for reading. All of you.
You are most welcome. Thank You for inviting us into Your world so graciously. Blessed be my Prince.