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January 30, 2007
I'm Really Angry with Myself
I feel like I should be doing more creative work.
I don't know what that means, but I feel agitated and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Whatever it is, I feel like I'm not doing enough.
And there is the poisonous word "should," that I just wrote—comparing myself against some ideal which implies that I reject the idea that I am good enough already.
I am for the moment at a loss.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:47 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
Six Feet Under
It's the first TV series I have really liked in a long time.
Granted, I'm seeing it in re-runs. When it was originally being filmed I wasn't getting the premium cable channels.
Lately, Bravo has been airing three episodes in a row every Monday night. Three. In a row.
Last night I watched them all. Three straight hours.
There is a lot of gravity. And the way they tell the story jibes a lot with my experience of reality.
Have I said this before?
Last night, after putting myself through all three episodes, I cried. The last scene I watched has Nate burying his the remains of his wife Lisa in the middle of nowhere, without the benefit of any embalming. It was his last tribute to her wishes. I wondered if the character was motivated by his own sense of duty or by his feeling that somehow carrying out her wishes would be a message to her.
He had a very difficult time breaking the ground for her grave. When he laid her to rest he wretched in revulsion at the state of her remains, and presumably at the stench. He clamored quickly to get out of the grave and away. As the sun rose over the scene, he was kicking at the dirt to disguise the grave site, having finally filled it in.
He began kicking at the ground with more and more fury and then began screaming, wordlessly.
That was where the episode ended.
I immediately thought "impotent rage." I know that feeling. I could identify.
I wept. It was just a story—but I could imagine myself in that place and I wept.
What did it really amount to—the effort he put into the grave? It was an expression of love—yet an absolutely final one. An end. At the same time, it was dawn. The comforting cover of dark was removed. Life goes on. The cycles continue.
No rest for the wicked.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 11:26 PM :: Submit. [+]
January 27, 2007
HD-DVD Won't Kill Porn at All.
Lately, some people seem to think that for some reason HD video will make porn go away.
That's just silly.
People are always going to want to see fucking.
Certainly, it's not as accurate or lifelike as photography. And we all know photography killed pornography.
And, let's face it. HD video is only half way there. It uses 1 pixel of color for every two pixels of black-and-white, as opposed to current analog TV, which stretches 1 pixel of color across 4 pixels of black and white.
We ain't seen nothin' yet.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 9:58 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 18, 2007
My Ear Worm of the Moment
"Power now is all the rage
Sons and daughters of the gun
Hungry babies come of age
Phasers switched and set to stun
Power now,
power how,
power wow!
Here's power"
Power, by Tears for Fears
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:49 AM :: Submit. [+]
January 17, 2007
Just Try
Put any track from Crystal Method on your portable music player.
Turn it up and start walking.
I bet you swagger.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 6:32 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
January 16, 2007
Minnesota
We did *not* reprazent.
Our future involves not singing.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 8:36 PM :: 1 Submissive [+]
January 5, 2007
Human Nature, Sociology and the Color of Sex Blogs
I like to think of myself as artistic, if not autistic, and I spent a lot of time picking the colors I used for this site. I arrived at this decision in part by stealing ideas from templates I liked and in part from choosing colors that resonated with me due to my disposition and the topic at hand.
I certainly can't speak for all cultures in all places and times, but I have noticed increasingly that bloggers writing on emotionally charged issues and on sexuality make some similar decisions. In the small sphere of English-speaking web journals and blogs on sexuality that I have been exposed to, I notice a lot of black. Further, I see a lot of red.
Somehow, when it all boils down, it seems like there is no faster way to communicate "This is not a mainstream, Web 2.0 site" than using the colors red and black.
I see this especially in the sites that delve seriously into alternative lifestyles, such as BDSM and fetish sites, and the current crossover into the increasingly dilute Goth scene.
I'm not saying that we're copying one-another, and there are certainly noticeable exceptions like Erosblog. Eros' choice of yellow rather suits his light-hearted presentation of things sexual.
Nor am I saying that there's a thing wrong with using any color for any reason. I have just become self-conscious of late. I like to think that I *chose* my colors, that I copied no one. But I don't know any more.
I just wonder if there isn't something to this whole human-nature thing, after all.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 1:32 PM :: 9 Submissives [+]
January 4, 2007
Fixin'
I found a bunch of crap that was just plain wrong in my archive pages. I am so *not* a coder.
I've wondered a lot why people don't click around more on my site. My research showed that the navigation sucked.
I found broken links all over the place.
I aspire to be a coder. I am a hack.
But…
I've made some slight changes that hopefully make the site easier to read, to decipher and to navigate.
I hope it's better.
I'm open to suggestions.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 10:27 PM :: 2 Submissives [+]
January 1, 2007
Peace. Love. Joy.
I hope the new year brings you peace, within and without.
[+] Posted by Sinner at 3:20 PM [+]
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