Black As My Soul: What I Wish They Had Figured Out 30 Years Ago

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March 22, 2007

What I Wish They Had Figured Out 30 Years Ago

To paraphrase an article that appeared in The Telegraph, a British paper, some "gifted" teens find listening to Heavy Metal music to be comforting.

Hallelujah and amen, Brother!

Just this morning on the long walk into work from parking I was listening to Metallica singing "Don't Tread on Me." Metal isn't any more my preference, not since Industrial and Techno (*so* 1990s), but I spent a lot of time in my youth listening to Dokken, Krokus, Ratt, and Motley Crüe. I never lived anything close to a Heavy Metal lifestyle, being a good little boy going to church and being obsequious to my elders as I was habitually. But the noisy stuff took me to a place I liked to be. And it works for me still.

The thesis of the article is that bright kids are drawn to it, that not all geeks like chess, D&D and classical music. And that Metal, in and of itself, is not an indicator of delinquency. Duh.

Around the time I was in sixth grade, I had been given a number of intelligence tests because of some high scores on standardized tests. I was placed in some programs for gifted kids, taking me out of my regular classroom.

I think that the folks running these programs meant well. Really. Attempting to offer me more challenge for my apparently very-healthy brain. But I think there is a problem with these programs. I think I should have been given the opportunity to prove to myself that I was gifted first. Frankly, I never "felt" gifted. I should have earned and asked for the privilege instead of being labeled and slapped in a program.

Why?

Because I feel like I never lived up to whatever Nobel Peace Prize potential I was supposed to have. Between that and my ADD symptoms manifesting themselves, my academic performance was never really as good after that. I was already "smart," so why should I try? I got passing grades without much study and that was good enough. More time for reading science fiction and listening to music. Anyway, for a while I was golden. I learned way too late that my brain, like anything else, needs a workout. And practice.

One of my brothers had an opposite issue. He was dyslexic so he got stuck with other "slow-learners" and got a different label. Meanwhile, he has shown himself to be a smart, patient man with amazing artistic and mechanical ability. He had something to prove.

Both of us were given labels. Didn't mine seem like the better one to have? Do my insecurities seem trivial? Whatever. I have my cross. You have yours. I'm not trying to be a victim here, but I am recognizing cause-and-effect in my life. I need this so I can move past it, you know?

I have a lot of thoughts about what I will do differently when I have my own children. At least one of them is that I'm going to try damned hard not to use words like "potential." Either it's a false limit or it's something you feel you'll never achieve. Either way, I think it's harmful.

I have contempt for a lot of labels. Sometimes I'm just contrarian.

But I love music. And I don't care what it means.

[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (March 22, 2007 12:27 PM) by hearing evil. [+]