Big Change

For me.

I had gone a full two years without cutting my hair at all.

It was a reaction to stresses in my life—a fuck-it kind of decision. I was broke and couldn't afford to go to the nice salons anymore. With everything in my life that I felt I was not in control of, it was nice to let go of one responsibility.

Plus? I had really liked it in the past when I had grown my hair out. The idea of getting it back in a pony tail really appealed to me. After a year, and for the last year, that had been the case. I wore a pony tail. I kept letting my hair grow.

In a lot of ways it was liberating and validating. I kept getting work despite the long hair, so I felt that my skills and personality were being counted above my appearance.

But I wasn't completely happy with the way it looked. I thought it was nice when it was in the pony tail, but I thought I was kinda scary looking when I let it down. It didn't feel right any more.

So I went and bought some Wahl electric clippers from Target and had Flower cut it all off. I used the #2 attachment, cutting everything to 1/4".

I dig it.

It's been like that for about a week and a half now. I've thoroughly enjoyed all of the reactions people had. People thinking someone strange was sitting at my desk at work. The people feeling so confounded that I would make that dramatic change. Let's of people asking "Why?" or "What made you decide to do it?" Lots of people assuming that it was because Summer is coming.

Nope.

I just wanted to know what it was like to shave my head.

And I also felt that it was a necessary sort of transformation. This is where I get a little weird about it. I felt like the long hair was weighing me down emotionally. I read once about Lenny Kravitz' decision to cut off his dreads, because he felt they were negative energy. At the time I didn't understand what he meant, but writing this today I feel like I get it. I *had* to do it.

I've since reduced the size of my sideburns and the size of my goatee—I decided that for balance my facial hair had to be trimmed with the #1 attachment.

And I've rationalized that I can keep cutting my hair without paying $50 a month for a master stylist. Not that my stylists never deserved it. They did. And more. But spending money like that is not appropriate for me right now.

I look very different, but I like it and all of the reactions have been good.

And Flower likes to rub my head. Heh heh. ;)