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July 4, 2007
Maybe Now I Get It
I don't have a lot of exposure to other folks in BDSM. A lot of that has to do with me, and that I don't socially put myself out there. Part of it is that in Minnesota, there don't seem to be a lot of events like there might be in more populous areas.
I do like Minneapolis and St. Paul a great deal. For cities of their size, there is a pretty active and sizable creative community, wonderful museums and theatre, and large gay and lesbian communities…
But sexually, we're pretty closeted up here. The majority of successful businesses that sell sexually oriented products often sell items for fantasy, novelty or entertainment. Like it's disposable. There's no commitment—there is no lifestyle.
There is one store that sells amazing dildos and floggers, but because I have a penis I feel a little outside of their target demographic.
And anyway, the only place I have seen anything like a scene in the Midwest, it was at a goth club that has special nights twice a week where a mistress and her assistant will spend a few minutes with people from the audience. She will flog them or drip wax or restrain them. Not for enough time to put them into sub-space. Nobody came on stage. I felt like it was just a tease. While there were clearly people who are very much in the lifestyle, I feel like the audience was comprised more of people who are voyeurs hoping to catch a glimpse of nude girls. Again, I could be wrong. As I said, socially I don't risk much.
Ah, yes, my point. I do have one.
Last night I came across a Web site about the BDSM lifestyle, one among many that I am finding now that I'm paying attention. In particular, I found an essay about Doms. I won't paraphrase or quote it here because of the author's concern over copyright, but the mental and emotional states the author described were states that I have experienced. He described thoughts and fears that I have. So finally, I do not feel like I must be some sort of insecure freak in the spectrum of male dominants. Whether or not this article describes all Doms is irrelevant to me. I do feel that now I understand why women who know Doms would describe me as one.
And finally, I can let go of wondering if the insecurity I experience means that I am not.
I needed to know that.
I feel like I can move on. And grow.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (July 4, 2007 4:38 PM) by linking evil. [+]
4 Comments
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I am glad to see that you are releasing your issues. I've known since I first read you, that you would be a dom. Glad you can see it too now. Perhaps, you should consider opening a club of your own or at least setting up small parties for people in your area that you KNOW are actually into the lifestyle. I face the same problems in the south. Unless I want to go to ATL, this area is shockingly vanilla, in spite of claims to the contrary. I have been considering opening a club with a bdsm themed clientele in mind. What's the saying, "If you build it..." It's time to build my dark prince.
Blessed be
P. Kitty,
Thanks for the support and kind words. Moving forward sometimes is hard. I seem to have a built-in tendency to look back and revel in the past.
I do think I would like to be involved in or yes even create a local group. It's making those first few important connections that I'm concerned about. If it's a good idea and a good thing, then it will grow. That part I don't worry about, much.
But you are right. It's time to build.
Thanks!
~S
Moving forward can be a very scary thing to do. I have problems with that myself. But you are a very intelligent and lively young man. Doors should be open to you now that never were before and you have a wonderful woman behind you every step of the way. Jump out there! Don't be afraid to be yourself so that everyone can see. That's part of why we all love you!
Blessed be
Thanks for your encouragement and support. That means a lot to me.