We baked a ham overnight last night, setting the alarm early to check on it. It filled the house with its smoky aroma.
Morning napping turned to love-making.
Turned to making breakfast together and sipping hot coffee.
Today we will travel a few hours through rural Wisconsin to visit family. With our ham cargo in the trunk and our three puppies in the back seat.
I am reconnecting, reconnected.
Cheers, my love. Skoal, baby!
Here is to 2008 bringing dreams to fruition.
Happy New Year!
That is the bottom line.
I'm sure I have no idea what you're going through. On the same token, nothing I do or say is going to heal you. You have to heal. You.
I can leave a trail of breadcrumbs.
I can tell you that in this very moment, you are safe from harm. No one is hurting you. You always have this moment. No one can take that from you.
I can tell you that no one understands. Your path and your experience is your own and is priceless. Other people have faced similar issues and may have a perspective to offer. But no one you can trust has "The Answer." You're on your own.
I can tell you that you have no idea how profoundly the decisions you make can affect another life. How little your pain is felt by others and how much. How one stray word can maim or uplift. You don't know. You can't know. And what's more, you can't control it even if you did.
I can tell you that you have to own up to what you've done to get you here. Other people have hurt you. That's a given. So what are you going to do about it? It only matters what you do about it.
I can tell you that you can't run fast enough or far enough. You can't get high enough or drunk enough or fuck enough. Your problems will wait. Avoiding them gives them power over you.
I can tell you it takes more energy to subvert your problems than to face them.
I can tell you that time heals nothing. Not really. The edge or the sting goes away, but not the ache. Not unless you address the problem. Or you can release it. Your choice. But you have to make the choice.
I can tell you that sometimes holding your pain close is less scary than making a change you need to make. If that's what you're doing, be honest with yourself and recognize your own responsibility.
I can tell you that vengeance is empty. Hurting someone else because you hurt resolves nothing. If you hurt, the hurt exists only inside you. Look within.
I can tell you that if someone makes you angry, that's a good opportunity to check yourself. What is that person doing that reminds you about something you dislike about yourself? What is that person doing that isn't "fair?"
I can tell you that you shouldn't believe everything you think. Especially the negative stuff. Especially what you tell yourself about yourself. That voice in your head is a tool to help you modify behavior, but it is not you. It may very well be wrong and or outdated. Change the recording. Only you can do this for yourself.
I can tell you that there is no perfect time to take action. Except in retrospect. You can see lost opportunities for the rest of your life. If there is something that is worth doing, it's worth doing now.
I can tell you that this universe is an amazing, beautiful and generous place. Opportunities are constant. Change is constant. Open your eyes. Open yourself to possibility.
I can tell you the most unexpected people in the world will bend over backwards to help you.
I can tell you that you can't have help until you ask for it.
I can tell you that you need to be asking for help.
I can tell you that none of this matters until you're ready for it.
I can tell you that you will know when you're ready. No sitting on the fence. You're in or you're not.
I can tell you that it is a decision. I can tell you that at one point, you will have had enough.
I can tell you that until it's the bit of information you need, it all sounds like psychobabble or tripe. And I'm just some guy online. Whatever.
And that's why I don't leave it in your comments.
Maybe you're just venting and it isn't as terrible as I interpret it. Fundamentally I respect that your path is not the same as mine. I would not dream of trivializing what you're going though.
These are some things that have had value to me, so I'm sending them out into the aether. What I hope is that someday you will see a ray of light.
I have updated the software behind this web site to MovableType 4, but my templates are stuck somewhere back in version 1.x with a smattering of new functionality patched in here and there.
I'm not looking to overhaul my site, necessarily. I do want to retain the essential current look, feel and color-scheme. I want to maintain what I think is a light-weight design that is primarily HTML and CSS
But I am flying the flag of defeat. My interface is inconsistent, and my categories and headings obscure the structure. Finally, maintaining all of the templates individually is counter-intuitive/counter-productive when I have a marvelous tool full of widgets, plugins and modules.
What stops me before I start is the sense that migrating from my old templates to the new template system is going to take herculean effort.
Has anyone done this? Does anyone have good pointers on resources?
I'm not looking for someone to do the work for me, but I do need help in determining where to start and looking at how to break the project into chunks that I know I can manage.
In short, I'm looking for a design mentor.
Barring that, I'm looking for tips, thoughts, and feedback.
Many thanks in advance for your ideas, my friends.
I've gotten stage fright of late.
A few links from popular sites have each given me about ten-days-worth of traffic in a few hours. And I am thrilled that so many people liked what I wrote a few days ago.
But I am no Fleshbot, no Erosblog, no YouPorn, no Bondage Blog, or no Spanking Blog. Those sites drive traffic, but with the exception of the last two sites, the people clicking through to me are mostly looking for pictures or videos. And those are just not my mediums. The majority of visitors click in, see no hard-core porn (and I dare call this a sex blog!), and click back out. One in ten will click another link. One in fifty or one per hundred will click more than one of my archive pages. Click the SiteMeter link graphic in the right column and see for yourself.
This web site is just my way of adding my voice to the chorus or of shouting into the wind. I write what I feel compelled to write. While I now have an agenda, I never started this site with an eye to make money or to sell products. There is not now nor was there ever a business plan. With regard to this site and this pen name, I doubt seriously there ever will be.
I have tried affiliate links with Amazon for several years because I have given them plenty of my own money. To date, I have not reached any threshold that would pay. The amount I would need to reach before they will send a check is $10. My gross earnings to date are $0. So I've given up on that. No other business or site I have linked is an affiliate link. I just thought the site was cool. If they do not wish for me to continue linking, I would remove any reference without question or hesitation. Occasionally I see people click from their tracking pages wondering "Black As My What? Who?"
With that said, I wouldn't even know where to begin to charge for a link or an ad. I don't even know if it is something that the terms of service for my ISP would allow. Further, I haven't registered for a business license or Tax ID number. I'm just not ready to take that step.
It just doesn't feel right.
I'm not trying to be wrong-headed or disrespectful, or stupid. Believe me, I have agonized over how to handle this.
This site is personal and a labor of love. No more, no less.
With gratitude, I must respectfully decline requests for ads, links or other placement.
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