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December 23, 2007
You Have to Heal Your Own Pain
That is the bottom line.
I'm sure I have no idea what you're going through. On the same token, nothing I do or say is going to heal you. You have to heal. You.
I can leave a trail of breadcrumbs.
I can tell you that in this very moment, you are safe from harm. No one is hurting you. You always have this moment. No one can take that from you.
I can tell you that no one understands. Your path and your experience is your own and is priceless. Other people have faced similar issues and may have a perspective to offer. But no one you can trust has "The Answer." You're on your own.
I can tell you that you have no idea how profoundly the decisions you make can affect another life. How little your pain is felt by others and how much. How one stray word can maim or uplift. You don't know. You can't know. And what's more, you can't control it even if you did.
I can tell you that you have to own up to what you've done to get you here. Other people have hurt you. That's a given. So what are you going to do about it? It only matters what you do about it.
I can tell you that you can't run fast enough or far enough. You can't get high enough or drunk enough or fuck enough. Your problems will wait. Avoiding them gives them power over you.
I can tell you it takes more energy to subvert your problems than to face them.
I can tell you that time heals nothing. Not really. The edge or the sting goes away, but not the ache. Not unless you address the problem. Or you can release it. Your choice. But you have to make the choice.
I can tell you that sometimes holding your pain close is less scary than making a change you need to make. If that's what you're doing, be honest with yourself and recognize your own responsibility.
I can tell you that vengeance is empty. Hurting someone else because you hurt resolves nothing. If you hurt, the hurt exists only inside you. Look within.
I can tell you that if someone makes you angry, that's a good opportunity to check yourself. What is that person doing that reminds you about something you dislike about yourself? What is that person doing that isn't "fair?"
I can tell you that you shouldn't believe everything you think. Especially the negative stuff. Especially what you tell yourself about yourself. That voice in your head is a tool to help you modify behavior, but it is not you. It may very well be wrong and or outdated. Change the recording. Only you can do this for yourself.
I can tell you that there is no perfect time to take action. Except in retrospect. You can see lost opportunities for the rest of your life. If there is something that is worth doing, it's worth doing now.
I can tell you that this universe is an amazing, beautiful and generous place. Opportunities are constant. Change is constant. Open your eyes. Open yourself to possibility.
I can tell you the most unexpected people in the world will bend over backwards to help you.
I can tell you that you can't have help until you ask for it.
I can tell you that you need to be asking for help.
I can tell you that none of this matters until you're ready for it.
I can tell you that you will know when you're ready. No sitting on the fence. You're in or you're not.
I can tell you that it is a decision. I can tell you that at one point, you will have had enough.
I can tell you that until it's the bit of information you need, it all sounds like psychobabble or tripe. And I'm just some guy online. Whatever.
And that's why I don't leave it in your comments.
Maybe you're just venting and it isn't as terrible as I interpret it. Fundamentally I respect that your path is not the same as mine. I would not dream of trivializing what you're going though.
These are some things that have had value to me, so I'm sending them out into the aether. What I hope is that someday you will see a ray of light.
[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (December 23, 2007 10:52 PM) by speaking evil. [+]
6 Comments
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feel like this was written to me...it's good you didn't put it in comments.
You are correct.
The aether brought me here. Thank you for releasing your thoughts so that others of us might benefit.
Sincerely
~January~
It may not have been your intent, but I think you're offering a priceless gift with this posting. It's easy to be glib these days, tossing around numerous 'trigger' words with unclear meanings because too few of us are introspective. Words like choice, responsibility, self discipline, and awareness may be in our vocabulary, but are missing from the defining 'self.' Only that 'self' can be the catalyst for true alterations to its existence.
S -- yes, that is what i meant. i'm glad you shared this with your readers. your wisdom is profound. dealing with -- and healing -- the hurt within so that we can be truly free to love and serve others...this is one of life's great tasks, whether you're in or out of this lifestyle.
-delicata
S - Thank you so much for posting this. While I am not the one it was directed toward, so much of what you wrote I needed to hear in this moment.
Husband has said the same things to me in the past, but I just was never ready to hear. I was too far down, too far gone.
I am beginning to try to heal. I am starting to understand that is possible.
~Safora
...
Wow.
There's coincidence, and then there's serendipity.
You posted this on my birthday.
And although i didn't find it (or you) until just today... it feels as though it's been waiting for me.
Granted, some of it is... well, clearly, you're farther along the path of healing than i am, as some of these things are still difficult to accept. But i can recognise truth when i see it, and this is truth.
Thank you.