Black As My Soul:

274

I knew it was going to be a high number.

Seems like every time I get on the scale it's a higher number than it was the time before.

But basically, in 4 years I have gained almost 70 pounds from my WeightWatchers low of 205. 205 is when I gave in and felt that I couldn't watch Points anymore. I didn't want to track everything. I didn't want to weigh in every week.

For a while I thought I had stabilized below 230. I figured with the walking I was doing I could keep the rest in check.

But in the two years since that point, I have not exercised at all. My clothes are all fitting pretty tightly (when they do fit), and my knees are protesting more.

I don't like it. I feel more than a little defeated.

I don't want to diet, but I do want to change.

January 28, 2008 in revealing | Permalink

I'm Very Proud of My Baby Girl!

Some guy hunted her down online and found her IM handle. He proceeds to tell her that he's a dom, then when she doesn't immediately address him as "Sir," he gets angry. He says she's no true submissive and that she's bratty. At this point she just laughs at him and tells him he's not *her* dom and her dom loves her as she is. Then she blocks him. Which is perfect. There was no better response. I don't know who you are, Mr. Dominant, but you don't get to go around to everyone saying "Hi. I'm a Dom. Suck it." If you do, expect more laughter.

January 25, 2008 in ranting | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

A Little Wax

Flower was playing with fire—we bought a perfumed-oil warmer recently and it arrived today. It came with a small tester of oil which we liked and so we put a little in the reservoir and lit a tea light beneath.

After the oil evaporated, Flower started playing with the lit tea light candle. Before long, she was dripping wax on her hand and peeling it off

She caught me watching her.

Seizing the moment, I told her to lay on her back.

And for the first time, experimented with dripping wax on bare skin. Watching how it pools or drips. How it hardens and layers.

It was really hot to see her react to each drip. I love surprising her with variations. This is what I love about being in control. Playing with expectation: setting it and breaking it. Regardless of how Flower feels, that's what gets me off.

And it was super hot to see the white wax hardened all over her skin.

It was just one tea light. It was a tease, a warm up, an hors d'oeuvre.

But delicious enough that we began looking for more candles.

January 23, 2008 in controlling | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Spelling

Gotta thank Google for pointing out to me a spelling error I made in 2004.

Apparently I used to post without a great deal of proofing! Suffice it to say, the error was corrected at long last.

Reading the older posts makes me remember how I used to feel.

Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't the meds talking—but then I know that it was real, whatever it was, and very much on my mind all of the time.

And then I remember that I wouldn't trade what I have.

January 23, 2008 in thinking | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

A Couple of Flickr Finds

Create an account and sign in. Then check out these pools and photographers:

Definitely BDSM, definitely NSFW

BDSM is beautiful

cydblack

fegarz2

January 21, 2008 in linking | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Celebrity Rehab

No.

Nope.

I will not watch that.

January 14, 2008 in seeing | Permalink

No Protected Posts, Not Here

This is a rant. I'll say that first. It's just one man's opinion. But here's the thing:

I feel strongly that personal blogging is about making your readers feel included.

Protected posts work contrary to that. They are exclusionary and elitist. They say to me:

You cannot be trusted.
You are not in my inner circle.

Equally annoying to me are password protected blogs.

If you have to be that cautious, it should not be online. It is not a blog nor is it blog material.

Don't even mention that there is stuff you can't tell us. We know that. We know you made up your name and altered the details to protect the innocent.

For the rest of it, keep it offline. Keep it in email or IM or chat or in snail mail or on the phone.

Or put it in a different blog with a different audience.

Password protected posts are a pretty fine "Fuck you."

January 13, 2008 in ranting | Permalink