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March 6, 2008

Yes, Sometimes I Make My Own Drama

Does this happen to anyone else?

I've had a few beers this week. I haven't had more than 2 on any one night, but between Friday and last night, I took care of a six-pack of porter.

What I have found to be true in my own case, is that typically within 24 to 36 hours of having alcohol, I will have some pretty intense anxiety and panic and often some depression.

The sad thing is that I often don't remember that it's going to happen, though it almost always does, until I am in the midst of it.

The good thing is that I can tell myself with certainty that it will pass. It always does.

The bad thing is I managed to pick on Flower today while I was in the thick of it, before I realized, "Oh, shit. It's the panic thing again."

Yeah.

Would really like to take that back, but I know I so cannot.

[+] Posted by Sinner, who was transgressing at the time (March 6, 2008 6:39 PM) by revealing evil. [+]

1 Comments

Rob said:

S

Nothing wins a girl over like a heart felt apology. She might read it here, and that is something, but you could also bring her a pot of tea or coffee in the morning, with a little note telling her you are sorry and that you love her. Better still, write her a poem.

That ought to do it.

Rob

Rob,

Excellent ideas, all.

I do strive for openness and integrity in all things, especially including communication. A failing that I have is that I will subvert, suppress or withhold direct expressions of anger or annoyance. My excuse is that my anger is my problem. The real reason is that I really, really fear conflict.

In practice what happens is that I hold anger in until something stupid or unrelated happens and then I overload and everything comes out raging.

Not cool.

Flower to date has been understanding and has worked with me at length to help me feel more comfortable expressing my thoughts immediately.

We have indeed worked through the problems I caused.

Thank you for your thoughts. They really are good ideas.

~S

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