i don't like 'them', i think they all gather weekly and have a good laugh at the expense of their patients. i mean, you laugh at the idiots you have to deal with at work right? i don't want to pay to be someones laugh reel...so i don't go to therapy either.

i think that rant kind of demonstrates why i need to go...hmm.

sweetlikepoison,

I have to say, I did have one therapist, one, who I respected and who I thought knew the kinds of things I had to hear. His words still challenge me even though I haven't seen him in years. Of the four I've seen, he was the only one I sometimes wish I could still speak with--not so much as a patient but as someone who works with a mentor.

Painhealer has my respect, too, thought I believe he lives on a different continent.

But, yeah, I went to a young therapist once who said "Wow!" a more than few times. I think I will likely stick out in his mind.

The worst thing we do to ourselves is that we believe that we are broken. There is no greater crime.

I don't feel broken anymore.

But I do sometimes feel overwhelmed, and then I hear the siren's song call me. To date, I have avoided smashing myself on the rocks. And I am grateful to be alive.

Sometimes, just knowing I am of a certain disposition helps me get through the darkest moments. But sometimes My world gets so small I forget even that.

I have nothing against talk therapy. I just wish I had more say in the matter than picking someone who happens to be covered by my insurance and who happens to be taking new patients.

The only experiences I care to seek out now are ones that draw me out of my head, not farther in.

It's good to hear from you, SLP. Thanks for commenting!

~Sinner

I hope you find your way out of the darkness soon ... I'm not anti-talk therapy so much as aware that it simply isn't for me. It has failed me too many times. In terms of meds, when I took them for postpartum depression, I was one of the 'lucky' ones whom the meds made suicidal.

"The only experiences I care to seek out now are ones that draw me out of my head, not farther in."

Mmm ... further in can be okay, so long as one is sorting on the way, and not drowning.

Beth,

I don't know that I can ever count on being 100% out of the darkness. But I know I have a certain disposition and that knowledge does help me through many dark places.

I can identify with mood swings that become exaggerated with meds. I can really identify

I am very introspective as a rule and I spend a lot of time alternately entertained or trapped by my own thoughts and thinking. So when I say I am interested in activity that takes me out of my head, what I mean is staying present in the moment on the one hand, and being more present in the world and in the lives of others on the other hand.

~Sinner

Dear Emperor: it is hard to find a good person to talk to, let alone a med professional.

I agree that you have to not feel broken. I have always felt that one can mend the chips and cracks to the psyche.

I call my overwhelming times 'saturation', meaning that I can't absorb another drop of anything.

Wring me out, hang me to dry in the wind, then I am born anew.

No smashing or dashing, just living.

Liras, booted and ready to stomp...

Liras,

Thanks for the thoughts!

I definitely know saturation! I had thought of it as overload, but I think it's two names for the same thing. Sometimes, and I don't always know when or why, I just can't take anymore and I turn into Mr. Cranky Snapperhead.

Fortunately for me (and Flower) is that I managed to get a lot of rest last night. Sleep is under-rated. Highly.

Thank God for long week-ends!

~Sinner

Emperor Sinner! You--a cranky snapperhead? I thought of you more as a brooding piranha.

When I am saturated, I am limp, sodden. When I am overloaded, I am crackling and grouchy. Neither is sexy, let me tell you.

Sleep is something that is precious and deeply loved in my house.

(I did not get enough when I went to visit my current flame--maybe that is why I was a grouch cranky snappy clam??)

Stay well, please. I too, will try.

Liras,

Thank you, very much, for the kind wishes.

I've weathered the storm, I feel the worst has past.

I'm not saying that because that's what I think you want to hear, I swear to you.

Honestly, I do go through spells. This one was a little worse than most, but they all do pass.

In that way, I must count myself fortunate.

~Sinner

~Sinner

Emperor Sinner, I do so very much want to hear that the worst is over!

You are fortunate, in many ways.

-Liras, Official Fool Stomper of the 2009 Sinner Olympics

Aw! You warm my heart.

~Sinner