Black As My Soul

I Don't See It As A Double Life

Though I did, for a long time. Writing erotica on a secret blog, then meeting people and having friends here that I could not have elsewhere.

I feel as though I am living truer to what I think and feel now, where before I was not living for myself. While I would never tell most of my family that I write here, my fiancée has read most every word.

And it's such a relief.

In fact, I introduced her to myself via my writing here, the erotica and the angst.

She, too, writes multiple blogs, RL and pen-name.

And it was a basis of profound understanding.

And so my lust and my sexuality are no longer compartmentalized nor separate from the man I am in my home, every day.

So now I would say it's an aspect. Still private, not advertised.

A walled garden, with roses and thorns.

Operational

Spent the evening uploading and becoming more familiar with the Unix command line.

Naturally, some of the templates are broken. For example, my tag cloud is busted. The tags are listed, but I am going to have to fix the search results template or templates. Right now, it just leads to an error page. Sorry. I fix.

Everything else is static, so as long as the software keeps generating pages the blog is still live.

Of course, this post is to test to make sure everything is good.

UPDATE:

So far, the publishing piece works faster than it used to. I would argue the enhancements to the interface are nice. Outside of the changes introduced in the templates, I'm happier with 4.21 than with 4.0.

Reading Books Again

For some reason, the stack on my nightstand got neglected for a very, very long time.

I'm reading Laurell Hamilton again, picking up the Anita Blake series with Danse Macabre. After being away from the series for about 3 years, it's odd and jarring seeing how it has evolved.

I enjoy the magical and fantasy elements that have always been there, but the sex is turned up to 11.

I still don't think the characters really understand BDSM except in the visual trappings or style, but the Anita character makes no claims of understanding it, either—so perhaps I should lay off.

The books are still very entertaining and I do still wonder "What will happen next?"

And so I read on.

Post Secret and Sexual "Secrets"

One of the secrets this week was allegedly submitted by a woman who said she was grateful that her husband hates porn.

My first issue is that this is not a secret. This is a judgement. She is saying "My husband is more moral (better) than yours. Therefore my relationship is more secure. Therefore I am better than you."

My second issue is that I strongly suspect the husband is a lying lier who lies. Three scenarios occur to me:

First, he is simply telling her what he believes she wants to hear (a lie).

Second, he may not use porn, but he masturbates to pantyhose ads in her ladies magazines (technical lie, he still masturbates, just not to things defined as pornography).

Third, he may define porn as double-penetration, ass-to-mouth, and bukkake, but regular fucking is normal and therefore OK (not really porn) (He's lying to himself so he can tell the "truth" to her.)

So, my conclusion is that he is lying to her, and she is lying to herself. I can read a lot into very few words.

The woman who, in another post secret today, admitted masturbating to photos of male prison inmates, was brutally honest. While that behavior doesn't do anything for me, that's the type of candor I look for in secrets.

Clay Pot

Flower, your light shines so brightly from within!