Black As My Soul

I'm Very Proud of My Baby Girl!

Some guy hunted her down online and found her IM handle. He proceeds to tell her that he's a dom, then when she doesn't immediately address him as "Sir," he gets angry. He says she's no true submissive and that she's bratty. At this point she just laughs at him and tells him he's not *her* dom and her dom loves her as she is. Then she blocks him. Which is perfect. There was no better response. I don't know who you are, Mr. Dominant, but you don't get to go around to everyone saying "Hi. I'm a Dom. Suck it." If you do, expect more laughter.

No Protected Posts, Not Here

This is a rant. I'll say that first. It's just one man's opinion. But here's the thing:

I feel strongly that personal blogging is about making your readers feel included.

Protected posts work contrary to that. They are exclusionary and elitist. They say to me:

1. You cannot be trusted.
2. You are not in my inner circle.

Equally annoying to me are password protected blogs.

If you have to be that cautious, it should not be online. It is not a blog nor is it blog material.

Don't even mention that there is stuff you can't tell us. We know that. We know you made up your name and altered the details to protect the innocent.

For the rest of it, keep it offline. Keep it in email or IM or chat or in snail mail or on the phone.

Or put it in a different blog with a different audience.

Password protected posts are a pretty fine "Fuck you."

Men and Porn

This post began its life as a comment on another site. Because I feel so strongly about the topic, because for me it hits so close to home, I chose to post it here instead.

For background information, here is an article that first made my eyes glaze over then made me see crimson: Men and Porn @ The Guardian Unlimited

First off, the article says all of the politically or socially correct things. It says nothing that couldn't have been predicted and most unfortunately assumes victimization. As in, we are all.

Fortunately, I am not a politician. So I say "Fuck off."

I am so sick and tired of a media that profits from sexuality-that-sells-their-stuff also telling me that I am a victim of sex or that I am morally damaged by exposure to sex.

And I am so angry at the victim attitude I could spit.

Pornography is a problem if you believe that sexuality is a problem. If you think that reveling in beauty and lust is a problem. If you believe that your humanity is something that you must subdue and overcome, then I could see where sex might be a problem, right after breathing, eating and eliminating.

If you think you are a victim of oppression, then pornography might look like a form of it. If you think you are a victim of debauched morality, pornography might look like a form of it.

I was labeled a sex addict once in my life. I attended 12-step meetings that were supposed to counsel or cure me. I feel strongly that the diagnosis and the anonymous meetings did not help, save only to illustrate that rooms full of men felt exactly the same level of arousal that I did and told themselves they were bad men as I did. The men who said they were abstinent for weeks, months or years still spoke of lust, sex acts and pornography with relish. It solved nothing. Sex was the elephant in the room. By talking about not having sex, by strategizing what to do when you thought about sex, by thinking about how long you were "sober," or by specifically avoiding mentioning anything that could be construed sexually, you were in effect thinking about sex even more than before.

It's exactly the same as being with a room full of people on a diet. The subtext is always delicious food and how to eat more without consequence.

The behavior may be modified, but the desire is ever-present.

For the dieter, food is not really the problem, is it?

Therefore, look deeper.

Where there are those whose sexuality seems to intrude or overflow into their daily activity, it is possible something else in their lives is very out of balance.

What no one will say is that we are not children any more. No one will say we are sexual by design and THAT IS OK. No one will say that seeing pornography as a problem or a disease is really unhealthy.

I think that we as humans really have a great deal more to learn about ourselves.

If you feel pornography is a problem, fine. Avoid it. You aren't going to be able to eliminate it unless and until you eliminate male desire.

If you label it as vile or evil, you are effectively telling a large number of the men in your life that they, too, are vile or evil. Some of them might even believe you, and that's when the trouble starts. The anti-pornography and sex-addiction crusades are every bit as damaging to the psyche as the hysteria and nymphomania crusades a century ago.

If you think pornography is your only problem, there are layers and layers of the lives of men in your life that you do not begin to comprehend. I encourage you to examine what you get out of judging sexuality and sex acts as obscenity, indecency or immorality.

Exactly who is out of control?

On Boredom and 'Blogging

Well, here's the thing: when I read someone saying "I'm bored," I interpret that as saying "Entertain me." I realize that's my own reaction and I'm responsible for that. I'm also admitting that I have co-dependant tendencies and I want to fix things for people.

Experience has taught me that people who say they are bored are the most difficult people in the world to please on any level. Boredom, like so many other emotions, is a key indicator that something in your life needs to be addressed. No amount of entertainment is going to erase the reason those feelings arose.

As unhealthy as it may be, my anger is an attempt for me to distance myself from others' problems.

The previous post was inspired by a young woman who posted on an alternative modeling site "I was bored, so I took these pictures." The post was accompanied with several self-portraits.

I wanted to punch her in the throat.

I felt like she was saying "I am so alt! Look at me suffering ennui!"

Listen honey, there is nothing alt about boredom. It just makes you human. Normal even like the normals I'll bet you despise. So fuck you very much for the pictures.

So if you are bored with your job, or with classes, or your relationships, I get that. I get it. I've been there and I know how that feels.

But let's look at why you are bored. If you don't know why, that's your problem. I'm not your bitch. I'm not jumping through hoops for you.

Suck it up. And get away from me.

That's right, I said it.

Dear Bored People,

I don't care who you are.

If you are "bored," do not post.

Anything.

I don't want to know what you look like when you are bored, either. Although there's a chance I look just like that while wading through your shit.

There's the old adage that if you are bored, you are quite possibly also boring.

When you announce you are bored, I immediately lose interest.

Take some responsibility.

Shut the fuck up.

Disclaimer: This is directed to some people posting on large lists, but it has applications more broadly.

OK. When It's Rainy and You're Being Cautious…

Get the fuck out of the left lane.

Don't tap your brakes, asshat.

I shouldn't have to pass you on the right.

Desktop Tech Support Rant

Will you please not store thousands of personal photographs on your work computer?

I don't think it's fair for me to spend hours babysitting the copying process from an old PC to a new one just because you haven't gotten around to burning them to CD or whatever.

Plus? Why would you risk someone seeing that much of your personal life? Your work PC is just not private.

So, just stop. Please.

General Malaise

Don't you hate it when you know you have thought of four or five great ideas for blog entries—that you cannot remember? My apologies in advance.

Instead I will rant about the ridiculousness of the fact that I had to work today.

OK, I'm grateful on one level: I'm broke. So very broke. So I appreciate that I was scheduled to work at all. God I hate it that I'm broke.

On the same token, I was scheduled for a four hour shift in the middle of the day. My parents live two hours away. Because of the timing of my shift and the length of time it would take to travel to my parents' home or from my parents' home I was basically prevented from being with them on Easter for the first time in… several years.

Shame on me for not asking for the day off far enough in advance. I take the blame for that, too.

So… then I asked if I could at least leave early?

That wasn't an option, either. My store manager was so excited about all of the projects we were completing that she kept us all until the appointed closing hour.

The amount of business we did today was about 25 percent of the business we usually get on a Sunday.

Fucking Wal-Mart was closed, for God's sake! As was Cub, Rainbow and Target.

So no groceries… but if you want a book?

Burning With Rage

I'm burning inside. I wish it was a righteous anger…

My bookstore manager in conspicuously and conveniently absent on many of the busiest days the store has had this season. She's just become engaged. I can't blame her for not wanting to be there… But she's the fucking manager of a retail store. Get over it. Lead us into battle you absentee bitch! And stop going home "sick."

Also? How about some schedule planning. If the corporate office is smart enough in their forecasts to predict a day that's way above average in sales, how about staffing the store for it? How about some of your own thoughtful research into the calendar holidays vs. days of the week? How about the fact that a lot of people were given today off since New Year's Day fell on the weekend? Fucking Mondays.

Customers who leave shit all over the store. I'm plenty guilty of this one. I'll admit to having a sort of addiction to shopping as an escapist activity. And how! I know I've perused large stores in excess of an hour before ditching the items I thought I might buy. So, I get it. But fuck is it frustrating to find merchandise that the inventory systems tells you is in stock but is nowhere near where it's supposed to be. Thanks for helping me to lose sale after sale. And I'm sorry I—I know I've caused you pain, too.

When you're in line at the cash register? How about can you write your check while you're huffing impatiently? Or better yet? Stop writing checks. Just stop. Checks take a painfully long time to validate, require ridiculous amounts of tedious yet useless additional information, and the check scanners don't fucking work. Let's please stop the madness.

You people who write SEE ID on the back of your credit card? Let's have that ID ready when I ask for it, OK? And also take the time to notice that your card says IT'S NOT VALID UNLESS SIGNED. You thank me for asking for ID when other people don't, but yet you won't follow simple rules yourself. Let's stop this game, too. Or I'm not going to take your card anymore.

Cash payers? I love you deeply. Except when you say something stupid like "I hate change." Fuck you. Why are you making everyone in line wait while you dig through all of your pockets, your purse and your wallet to see if you might have exact change? Just put your change in a jar, and every so often take it to the bank—like the rest of us.

I know this is just me being a bitch. I'm pissy today because it was really busy, and the busier the store gets, the more little things become annoying. Like my coworker who is paid as a bookseller like me, but who insists on hiding behind the register. This guy constantly calls for assistance. Now, to be fair, the rule is to call for assistance if you have three or more "guests" waiting in line. Most of the time, he's got at least three when he pages. But he always pages when he has three in line. So 10-20 times a shift, this guy is paging for assistance at the registers. Today he paged a few times while he was involved in complicated transactions—and might have needed assistance but really didn't. I know, I know, it's all good customer service, right? Yes, for the folks in the check out line. But that means I'm taking myself away from my post at the information desk where people have legitimate questions that deserve answers. I just about lost it when he paged me to the info desk today. I couldn't win. Couldn't help customers because I was at the register. Couldn't put misplaced product away. Just answered pages after a while. I guess I got some exercise walking back and forth, eh?

If it's so awful, why don't I leave? Whatever. I like a lot of my job. I like the challenge of finding things for you and I find it rewarding when you thank me. A lot of you do and I'm really grateful for that. Honest!

This has been building up for a bit. I needed to vent. Thank you for listening.

"Man Fragrance Spray"

It's perfume, you mother fuckers!

It's fucking perfume.

I got your fucking "spray" right here.

Man fragrance. Yeah, that's attractive.

Idiots.

'Tis the Season to Defraud

Dammit, if you're going to pass along a fake inkjet-printed version of a traveler's check, could you at least cut off the lines that show the edge of the check you scanned?

Also? The "Michigan Driver License" needs to look more authentic.

Just so you know.