Black As My Soul

Happy New Year!

May 2009 bring you more than you have ever hoped for!

Merry Christmas

Here's hoping Santa came down your chimney last night!

So Then

Did you have a favorite story or post?

I Don't See It As A Double Life

Though I did, for a long time. Writing erotica on a secret blog, then meeting people and having friends here that I could not have elsewhere.

I feel as though I am living truer to what I think and feel now, where before I was not living for myself. While I would never tell most of my family that I write here, my fiancée has read most every word.

And it's such a relief.

In fact, I introduced her to myself via my writing here, the erotica and the angst.

She, too, writes multiple blogs, RL and pen-name.

And it was a basis of profound understanding.

And so my lust and my sexuality are no longer compartmentalized nor separate from the man I am in my home, every day.

So now I would say it's an aspect. Still private, not advertised.

A walled garden, with roses and thorns.

Clay Pot

Flower, your light shines so brightly from within!

I Like to Watch Your Expression

As I enter you.

We Lost a Good One

Shit
Piss
Cunt
Fuck
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits

We need to keep paying attention and asking questions.

Thank you for all of the laughs, George.

Rest in peace.

Real BDSM

Yeah, I practice BDSM in the bedroom. Mostly. I have a few friends in RL who know I am kinky. I don't talk with my parents about it. I prefer not to know about their sex life, and likewise I think sharing anything about mine would be creepy.

But for some reason, for some people, this disqualifies me from being a "true" BDSM practitioner.

But I ask you, is a gay man any less gay if he only sucks cock in the bedroom, if he doesn't talk about what he does with his parents or children, and if he tones it down at work?

I don't know. Maybe the homosexual community has angst like this, but I'm a breeder so I don't have any insight.

It just seems silly and misguided.

Real. Who are you to tell me what my real is?

Whatever.

I suppose I shouldn't let the discussion list trolls get to me.

Dear "Community,"

You are driving me away.

The judgement and idealism is unrealistic and unnecessarily harsh.

We suck as a community.

All of us. Suck.

Please stop with the suck.

Love each other and learn from each other. Anything else is destructive.

Stop.

Please.

Stop.

It Was the Soft Maddness

Or I don't know what it was.

Expression. Allure. Breaking free. It was a part of awakening to who I am.

It was the knowing and the secret. Whatever it was or wasn't, for whatever it could have been or could never be, it was a real thing. Not forgotten or swept away.

The universe is a different place than I imagined then, and the more I imagine, the more I find that it is. It is so much less now about the inside of my head, and so much more about creating my place and dreaming my destiny.

I do think in so many ways I have gotten so many of the things that I longed for in those days, and have moved past the things I thought were prisons. I have been able to let go of much of the broken-ness within. And I do think I that everything that has happened is part of the wisdom I have gained

Thank you for reading the words I wrote on the sky in the light of the moon, and the words I wrote elsewhere.

I can't thank you enough for the kind wishes. I wish for you the same--I see evidence of it in your life already.

Life for me is different now, too. Night turns into day. Winter turns into Summer. Simpler, better, and much more real. Much less about the wished for, and I am grateful. I live and love now in a home full of energy and color and warmth. I wouldn't have it any other way--won't give it up for the world.

I finally have a garden to tend, and Flowers to grow.

"It's Full of Stars"

My infinity is only getting brighter, more vast, and more fertile with life and possibility.